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Q: Arranged marriage and broken heart. Help a friend
Here is the story:
A foreigner moved to China to live with his 5-year relationship gf and marry her.
While living here, he went through minor financial issues. The gf who lives for work
in a different city moved some of her stuff to the bf's apartment then went to her hometown
for the CNY. And lo, she got trapped into an aunt's house (a different city), was introduced
to a rich guy, and forced to marry the guy NOW. Meanwhile, her beloved mother spread the word around other relatives in different cities about the forthcoming marriage. Eventually she has refused because she loves her foreign
bf at an extent that goes beyond reason sometimes. Haven't heard her daughter's refusal the mother fell sick (or pretends?), the whole family got upset, the girl in torments.
Finally, she gave up and has decided to accept the arranged marriage.
What can the foreigner do in such situation? What can the girl do? Is there anything to do to save the true and self-nurtured love of the two genuine lovers?
11 years 17 weeks ago in Relationships - China
if this girl is that kind of stupid living in the ancient chinese so called arranged marriage, the foreigner can not do anything about it.
Psychotic behaviour always win, because psychotics are criminally deranged. They cannot be reasoned with, and will resort to extreme violence to get their own way at all costs. To compound matters, the foreigner is always the cause of the problem, no matter how psychotic the behaviour of the Chinese person.
Avoid major and 'minor financial issues', commit himself to the marriage, and treat her well.
However, only she can decide who she will choose.
It would be nice if people could be a bit more sensitive in their comments.
I will start.
I wish you well. Sadly, there isn't a huge amount you can do as she needs the family book to be able to get married here or abroad. If her mother is holding on to the book, you are buggered in all ways basically, unless you can persuade the gf to steal the book and run away to you. However, you still then need to get married in her hometown, I think, or abroad, and stay out of China.
It's up to her resolve basically, but it's very tough.
Sadly, this is one aspect about China which I have found out about. You really are on to a hiding for nothing if you decide to have a relationship with a Chinese girl/woman. Materialistic immoral values always seem to shine through in the end, not to mention that they don't like divorcees with children.
I wish you well
ambivalentmace:
another option is skip the hukou and go to hong kong and get married.
This almost happened to my wife. She was offered a lot of money to marry a Chinese guy.
She threatened to sue her mother in court for the hukou. That could be your only option if you can't find the hukou (though you can apply for a new one, see below). Look for the hukou, find it, and run off. Traveler is pretty much 100% correct, so even though he isn't being sensitive, he isn't sugarcoating the truth either.
Chinese families get EXTREMELY PSYCHOTIC if their daughters marry someone whom they're against, especially if they could get a lot of money in exchange for her. My wife's parents tried to fucking kill her, and our baby. How crazy is that?! Too many people here love money more than anything.
This woman needs to decide WHAT is more important to her: money for her parents plus a lifetime of unhappiness (just ask most of my female friends here), or love and happiness.
They can go to the local PSB in the woman's hometown to get a new Hukou for less than 50 RMB (ours was 8 RMB), and then use that to get married and run off. It will be stressful for her, and her entire family will be attacking her head-on with guilt-trips -- and in our case, threats as well -- on QQ, the phone, etc. My advice is to just not log onto QQ for a few months, and not respond to their phone calls.
EDIT:I just woke up. derp on my reading comprehension.
Dang this story about love sounds like a made for hollywood love story. Based on true events! In the case of the girl and her bf they could try to run away from the people that are trying to force them do what they don't want to by simply moving to whichever country the foreign boyfriend is from. Well that is of course if they have the means and ways to go about doing that. If they can't do that than she simply has to stand up for herself and let the rest play out.
By the way Hulk I've already purchased the rights to your life story from your wife's mother. What a bargain, only set me back 200,000 yuan and an iPad.
Hulk:
Your loss. She was selling it for 180k and an iPhone to someone else. Looks like you got screwed.
Amonk:
Whatever, she tossed in a husband for free. He just sits around and plays with his iPod all day, and he's very intimidated by foreigners sexually, but he loves it in the rear.
Hulk:
What a weirdo. If you're referring to her husband, he has quite the collection of Japanese AV. Yeah, 54 year old JAV enthusiast who routinely condemns "the world's most shameless country."
Amonk:
I don't know what AV is, but Japanese porn is as good as any. Well, okay nevermind it's all f****** censored. Funny story though, I walked into a pharmacy attached to a supermarket and they have a bunch of some sort of tiny doll (like, Barbie scale but fatter) with holes in it, touting "REALISTIC ASS AND VAGINA" in like size 100 font. I was so shocked and disturbed that I burst out into something between laughter and a sigh of disgust. The clerk next to me just nodded in agreement. I then pointed to the condoms and asked if they had any bigger ones, as always- they don't. Not to say I need them, I'm just wondering how one would go about getting them... for uh... water balloons. Just kidding, it's for waterproofing my bug out bag.
welcome to china. daughters are property to be bought and sold to the highest bidder.
one of my former students told me that her cousin had to break up with her bf because his family wanted to pay a lower dowry. guess why? he already had sex with her so she was no longer a virgin. (he de-flowered her)
but we all know this happens in every other country to the exact same degree as china.
and it is "foreign country" because they forced china to to use the monetary system. before that china was a utopia
How can a foreigner have a 5 year relationship with his GF, then move to China to live and marry her? Internet GF?
crimochina:
sounds like a loser. how can you call sb your gf if you have never met her in person.
Bap:
You guys are modifying the story. It is not internet and they more than met. If you really have nothing to advise, better keep it shut for the sake of goodwill people.
Hi Ted, FYI, internet gf is not a taboo nowadays as in few years back. The foreigner in question eventually met her on the net, the 5 years relationship includes regular short stay visits to her. So, be through the net, yet it were in contact both in real life and the net for 5 years. Who nowadays can forgo internet in his relationship. 90 year old parents are on it now. So, your exclamation is a bit mmmm.
TedDBayer:
Why are you asking dating questions about someone else on an expat list? Can you help my friend bring his 3 girl friends home? I couldn't get a vistor visa for my girl friend to visit my home.
