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Posts: 133

Governor

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Q: Dating a Chinese - like stuck in quicksand?

This question goes out to foreigners who have a foreign girlfriend or boyfriend. Don't you feel like having a relationship with a Chinese is a little like quicksand? I mean, on the one hand you have to work hard to get a decent job (not teaching) for the 1 year visa, and on the other the prospects of going and living abroad in the near future are just so slim...

Chinese don't know anything about the West (for the most part - too many stereotypes, not their fault), getting them a visa to live back home is incredibly difficult and for many their level in English (forget other languages) would be insufficient for them to find work back home. Not to mention there's a natural suspicion from Western employers about Chinese and Indian diplomas and resumes all being fabrications.

I don't know...just seems like having a serious relationship with a Chinese gf/bf is so difficult and straining. Just seems like if you want to date a Chinese long term, it's China or nothing.

12 years 31 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Posts: 430

Shifu

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I think you're seeing things too black and white. We are in the year 2011 after all and millions of Chinese have been abroad and had first hand experience with the West in this day and age. There are plenty of young, educated, open-minded Chinese here who are just as much "dating-material" as someone from any other country.

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1989

Peasant

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The friend I'm gonna come and visit actually has (had) the same problem. He has a Chinese wife, and at the start of their relationship she was very willing to go abroad, which they did. Unfortunately she really couldn't stand the life back home, went completely crazy and felt just miserable, and they ended up coming back to China. I guess it's quite a testament of love that he agreed to follow her back.

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 27

Governor

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Well, i know how that feels...
yes, sometimes is confusing! you meet girls that want to be your gf right away??!!!, and go back home with you (to your home country), even without knowing you properly. Others, are afraid to show you, cause what people will say about them...
i took my gf back home last year, to meet my family and friends, my country, but only recently, her family even knew i existed , and only later knew i was a foreigner(what? a laowai?what have you been thinking? if he leaves the country you´ll have nothing!).
i have been reasonably hidden from her family and friends for 2 years... hehe (felt like 007. James Bond, chinese version).
So, as you see, there are always two sides to every story... and we just have to try to understand it, and the cultural issues around it.
Thinking of taking her back home, would not be fair for her, partly cause of the reasons you mentioned (diplomas, language, etc), and because i think she deserves to also have her personal career and achievements. she will probably not get it there, and i don´t think of her as a wifey...
So, keep it unfair for me... Tongue
You also have to think about the issues for foreigners living here... away from family and friends, yes... but, we also have the visa issues. the visa is not issued without work, without work you cannot get the visa to stay here.
simple problem , that gives lots of trouble...
As most countries will give you a double nationality or permanent residence there, in case you get married with a local, that doesn´t happen in China.

example:
you marry a foreigner and go live at his home country:
his country will provide you the nationality if required or permanent residence
chinese government will make you choose your nationality. no double nationalities are allowed. either you have a chinese or a foreign passport.
your foreign husband wants to live here:
he needs to apply for a visa for the rest of his life (even if it´s much easier if married with a local, i guess). Needs to have a steady job, pay high tax, etc. I won´t even go into details...
So, a foreigner will marry you for love, not for nationality, basically, as he takes no real advantage.
should i change the topic to:
Marrying a Chinese - like stuck in quicksand?

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3318

Emperor

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I disagree. I suppose it does depend on the Chinese person though. My wife works for a foreign company and could probably work for them from back home too. It's not that hard to immigrate and back home my job pays enough that, if she couldn't get a job right off, I could easily support the both of us and kids. So, it's not the big of a deal. The only pain is at some point you may have to be apart as immigration goes through. Such is life.

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1932

Emperor

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My wife said she would never move to Canada because it's too cold. Funny because I've had thousands of people tell me she was only into me for my visa.

I've talked with her about leaving China and she's said the only country she would consider is Italy. Fine by me, as I've lived there before, speak better Italian than Chinese, and would prefer it to China, but man EU migration laws are a pain, and for two people...

I guess I might be stuck in China, dammit. I would never leave her so I guess I'll have drunk, sleazy, parochial, know-it-all idiots talk down to me for the rest of my life, like some kind of flippin fairy-tale romance.

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3318

Emperor

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Move to Vancouver.

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1932

Emperor

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Nevermind, that is basically just staying in China but more expensive.

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 27

Governor

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Nevermind, my gf also works for a foreign company (in fact she never worked for Chinese ones), with offices abroad...
In my case, the problem is that she´d have to learn yet another language...
if with English, you have Chinglish, what the hell would come out of Portuguese? Chinguese?? hehehe
If my country´s main language was English, no trouble about it... Also, not everyone wants a housewife. Even being able to support her, i think life is bigger than that.
She has her goals, her ambitions, works (i wouldn´t say fight... heheh) for them, and i respect her for it.
Got it?
Smile

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3318

Emperor

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What?
Where did I say I want a housewife?

I said I could support her and kids if we had to. Hence, we don't need to make sure she has a job before we move there. And she can deal with that after we arrive.

I don't need your sanctimonious bullshit just so you can make yourself feel like an open minded friend to women. In reality you've just disparaged women who choose to stay at home and insinuated they are lesser women. What's your problem? Why do you hate women?

Got it?

Smile

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12 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 27

Governor

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ahahah, that´s a good one, nevermind... or should i say, nevermind, nevermind.
you managed to turn a simple appreciation for someone with personal goals, into something bad.

nothing against women who want to stay at home and being simply housewives... but they were my father´s type, not mine. (my mother was one, with 3 kids to take care of) Wink

i was just trying to show you that not all cases are the same.
most Chinese that learn a second language choose English... so, if you´re german, portuguese, italian, russian, etc, you´re in a totally different situation. it´s my case...
not trying to be nice, paternalist, or wtf you might want to call it... just being realistic. Smile

ambivalentmace:

https://www.scmp.com/magazines/style/news-trends/article/2154966/south-korean-actress-choi-ji-woo-complains-husbands

 

SO your almost a cougar and afraid someone is going to steal your man, if he dumps you, I can make myself available.

5 years 29 weeks ago
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12 years 30 weeks ago
 
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