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Posts: 22

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Q: Girlfriend going crazy and storming out - is it a test?

Two nights ago my girlfriend stormed out of the apartment after a somewhat minor argument (which started over nothing, as usual) escalated into full blown out screaming.

Now, this isn't the first time she's done this. At first I'd run after her but that would usually end up wasting too much time. Now I just wait for her to come home, which enrages her even more.

I'm somewhat at a loss as to how to deal with this. Is this a cultural thing, where the more you care, the more you cave and act like a puss? Is it the little emperor thing surging back to the surface.

I've told her before and when all is said and done, we both agree on what either one of us did wrong, that we should think things through a bit, what not to do again, that we should TALK instead of pressing the "go APE" button, etc. but it's just always the same.
 

Sigh

12 years 5 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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one day she might not come back.(been there done that)
some people arn't ment to be with each other for a long term thing.
just ask my ex wife.
maybe you need to get some outside help?
what ever the answer you most likely will not find it here.
remember there are 2 of you in the relationship
Best regards and best wishesindecision

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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
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Posts: 7204

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one day she might not come back.(been there done that)
some people arn't ment to be with each other for a long term thing.
just ask my ex wife.
maybe you need to get some outside help?
what ever the answer you most likely will not find it here.
remember there are 2 of you in the relationship
Best regards and best wishesindecision

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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
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Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.  If it is always like this, then it will always be like this.

Give up and find someone who acts rational.  It really is the only way to protect your sanity.

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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1091

Shifu

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If it is part of what keeps your relationship fresh then stay but if it is just annoying then talk about it or leave man it is your life in the end

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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
Posts: 211

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'Go Ape' button,,,,    that's funny, I am gonna remember and use that myself...

  (I mean use the joke, not actually press the button myself)

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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
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I usually do the storming. But, in your case, I'd say to keep doing what you're doing. 

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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
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People like to blame things like this on "cultrual differences".

Sadly, this sort of thing happens a lot here so it might seem to be such...

In actuality, it's the behavior of spoiled little brats who are used to getting
attention and everything they want.  Boohoo for her.

Find yourself a WOMAN to date instead of a twenty (or thirty or forty, whatever the case may be) year old girl.

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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
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This is the kind of thing that can send a person crazy, and when asked, posed with the same question hearing about someone else's constant irrational arguments over nothing, ask yourself what advice you would give them? My rule of thumb, is that at a bare minimum, there has to be at least a higher percentage of happy times then mindless arguments.  Life's too short in my opinion. If there is not enough common ground in the relationship then this will just speed up the enevitable. In balance, without sounding so absolute about it, sometimes emotions get the better of us at the beginning of a relationship and and bring out fiery jealousy and make us act irrationally. This "can" change in time, but be careful that it hasnt already caused so much resentment, that by the time these uncontrollable outbursts are at a minimum, you might just wonder if it was all worth it. Some people tear apart love and use it as a constant tool to measure how much you care, which is selfishness and insecuirty in it's truest form. For me a realtionship without logical and rational ways of dealing through problems is doomed. All the passionate love and beauty in the world will not compensate for it. Only you know whether this is something you can work through or tolerate. In the meantime it sounds as if your life will be reminiscent of groundhog day, where not much you do or say will alter the outcome. I sometimes wonder why we hold on to the things that cause us so much grief. Maybe it's a good idea to ask your friends or family if they are around you. Do I seem happier, or do I not seem myself. Often we get lost in our own bubble and lose the ability for subjectivity. Don't be afraid to ask them the question, but just be preapred for the answer.

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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
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Don't chase her!!!! If she doesn't come back, trust me, you are better off. In case you haven't noticed, there are a few girls around. You'll be ok.

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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
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A) remember, what's 'nothing' to you, may be 'something' to her.

B) the argument is NEVER about what you think it is! There's ALWAYS
something else going on in the mind, and the argument somehow represents
that issue. eg, it's not the actual ocks left on the floor, it's not respecting her
enough that you would pick them up.

C) How old is she? Is there enough time that maturity can change her ways?

D) Have you tried to have a discussion about why she storms out?

E) Personally, I wouldn't tolerate it. You walk, you leave (unless, it's been decided previously that leaving is a good way to blow off steam and give time to think).

F) If NOT chasing her starts a new argument - get rid of her... because she's
CLEARLY telling you that's how she uses emotional manipulation - and she
has NO qualms about using it on you. (if you refer to D, you can bring that up,
and see how she responds)

G) What a person wants, and what a person needs, are rarely the same thing.

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12 years 5 weeks ago
 
Posts: 30

Governor

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how old is she? chinese girls in their 20s are like younger Western girls in their mid- to late-teens. part of what you are describing can be attributed to immaturity. aside from immaturity, this chick might fall under narcissistic personality disorder category. good luck!

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12 years 4 weeks ago
 
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I can see three possible explanations here.

1. Yes, it is a test. She is testing to see if she can control you.

2. No, she's just mental.

3. You've completely misrepresented her behaviour, based on an unwillingness to accept any fault for the arguments you've had.

To be honest, none of these options are good!

steve0sha:

my Chinese ex was def a 2 but at least were still freinds but cant be together- still trying to control me though.

12 years 4 weeks ago
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12 years 4 weeks ago
 
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I had a girlfriend like this. Eventually we broke up because of instead of chasing after her like I used to, I just said "see ya." A few days later she called me back and said she missed me but I knew it would just be fighting day after day again so I took the appropriate action. We're still friends.

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12 years 4 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1008

Shifu

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Sounds like my wife LOL. Yes, it's about control. Has she asked you to bow before her, to carry her on your back. Look man, I love my wife and son but heed my advice, run and stay far and clear. This is typical Chinese, just watch some Chinese TV and you'll see this. Chinese women love to enjoy both worlds, one is to treat and behave as if you were Chinese, but then want you to make the money that they can't runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

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12 years 2 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1090

Shifu

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Prince..get rid of her ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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10 years 15 weeks ago
 
Posts: 52

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Old post

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10 years 15 weeks ago
 
Posts: 827

Shifu

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I don't know the answer but I think it is normal for young "only child" in China.  One of the unpleasant products of the one child policy. I see this in many of the kids, sorry people, in the urban areas.  The rural areas aren't so bad as many girls have siblings. Yes, the implication is that they do not know how to deal with everyday people problems.

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10 years 15 weeks ago
 
Posts: 290

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I wonder how things went and if he is still with her now...

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10 years 15 weeks ago
 
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Haha, "is it a test?" ...

 

anyone who has had a psycho GF knows it's not a test, it's an opportunity to get rid of the crazy biatch.

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5 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 41

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All of my breakups with Chinese girls were amicable to the point of being unhealthy.

 

One gave me a copy of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." I thought, what's that supposed to mean? 

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5 years 32 weeks ago
 
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