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anonymous
Q: how to further it with a male chinese friend...
I'm British and have been in China for almost two years. In my first year at work I met a local guy in my office. He was very friendly, made an effort to get to know me and to be honest I felt a spark between us. When I went away for the first time he wanted to know if I was staying with whether a boy or girl!
Nothing happened in the office. We would have lunch occassinally and he would always stare when he would think that I'm not looking...
My friend said I would have to make a move for anything to happen. So before Christmas I text him and invited him out. We had dinner - he paid. A few days after that he gave me a flower and a hug at our chinese new year party....
He has shown interest in me by asking questions about my future and getting to know my culture. And vice versa I have shown interest in his life. I know Chinese men don't date casually.
He left China about 5 months ago and is living in Cambodia with the same company. In Beijing he had a junior role and I knew he was inadequate about his low position. So he got a small promotion. It was a friendly goodbye. He said to keep in touch and that I could visit anytime.
Anyway, so I'm going to visit him soon...
Do you think I should tell him that I have feelings for him. I still think hes clueless that I'm interested. Or do you think I should let it be and be patient? Í know he is very stressed from work. The company that we are with aren't really making it pleasant for him over there. Maybe I should ask him more questions about his future plans to highlight interest?
I don't know whether he sees me as a potential partner or what?! I'm just a bit worried that it will ruin our friendship from a misunderstanding. Do you think he knows I'm interested? Or shall I wait until his job position is more stable? I know career is very important to a chinese guy and he is very responsible...
Thanks 
11 years 40 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Hi there,
I am in a very happy and full of love relationship with a Chinese guy. We've been together for almost two years and I hope it will last forever.
I was the one who did the first move and feel there is nothing wrong in it. I wasn't sure about his feelings at first but he gave me some little hints. It is something you cannot understand fully, no matter the nationality. But love is universal! It seems to me he has already given you some hints...So why not giving it a try?
Chinese guys need more time and signals to be sure and confident to make a move. Plus there is the whole cultural aspect of dating seriously and not playing around, lets not mention family's approval and the diffuse stereotype of foreign women being very open and changing partners frequently. Reason why a Chinese guy will first show his interest through small gestures. Texting, staring, paying dinner for you, carrying your bag or purse, offering his help if you need to run any errand and so on. And then, through conversation, he will probably try to understand your values about relationships and your future plans. He will do so in a very subtle and indirect way.
Either way, it is hard for them to be sure and make the first move. We live in 2012 and why we, women, cannot make the first move.
I'm so happy for doing so and will never regret it, no matter what.
dragoncake7979:
I have messaged you. Not sure how to make the move...
Have you told him that his dick is really, really big already?
(will regret this Monday. when will echinacities introduce this Google-feature where you have to solve a calculation before posting at night?)
Not trying to rain on your parade but assuming Chinese men don't date casually is not accurate i'm afraid. You sound like a sweet girl. They're just men. Typical, horny men. And my advice.....yeh, tell him, what the hell. Better to regret the things you did than the things you didn't do, right?
Hi!
All you need to do is treat the Chinese boy the same way you would treat any shy boy in the West whom you like. Be the one who suggests getting together for coffee, or tea or movies or lunch, etc. As you spend more time with each other, he will feel more and more comfortable. Eventually, if he shares your feelings, he will begin to be more proactive and ask you out as well. If he just wants friendship, well, at least you will not have the "what if...?" to deal with. In that case, move on and find another.
My sisters husband is Asian, and they have been together for twelve years.
In this particular case, you have a bit more leeway. You can tell him how much you missed him, you can be a bit more physical when you meet (holding both his hands when you greet him etc) and maybe a hug (maybe, many boys are shy ESPECIALLY in public).
Also, the fact that you are visiting, short time works to your advantage. Gage how he feels and by all means let him know you like him. Just dont do this the moment you meet! If he responds favorably, great! If not, well, the important thing is that you will KNOW and not have doubts for years to come.
When you are together, try subtly to hold his had, while talking touch his arm or hand as part of your gesture. And, the classic sign most guys look for, touch or pat your hair!
On his part, if he looks at your lips a lot, or if his sitting gestures "mirror" yours, those are discrete signs that indicate he likes you (and what is more, he does not know he is doing them!). Eventually, you will have to "take a chance" and let him know how you feel.
Best of luck!!!
