The place to ask China-related questions!
Beijing Shanghai Guangzhou Shenzhen Chengdu Xi'an Hangzhou Qingdao Dalian Suzhou Nanjing More Cities>>

Categories

Close
Welcome to eChinacities Answers! Please or register if you wish to join conversations or ask questions relating to life in China. For help, click here.
X

Verify email

Your verification code has been sent to:

Didn`t receive your code? Resend code

By continuing you agree to eChinacities's Privacy Policy .

Sign up with Google Sign up with Facebook
Sign up with Email Already have an account? .
Posts: 18

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Q: If the mother of my GF does not accept a foreigner for her daughter - can there anything be done?

thank for constructive advise...

9 years 23 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
Answers (11)
Comments (0)
Posts: 9631

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Get your GF's family registry (Hukou) and go get married. It is probably best to get the Hukou before asking the MIL about anything, as it might conveniently disappear. 

 

Note: Don't marry her unless you are sure. I am guessing you have not had the relationship for too long. Just be nice to the MIL and show your are a good guy.

(in the event you are a complete arse and cannot show you are a good guy, I refer to the movie "Strangers on a Train") 

Report Abuse
9 years 23 weeks ago
 
0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Turn off CCTV especially the various shows hosted by Yang Rui on the different channels, she might become slightly less xenophobic.

Play the nice guy, learn Chinese, not the local farmers' dialect but at least putonghua, show her that you love China and are a nice guy.

If after that she still hates you then sorry but the racist brainwashing is already too deep and there is nothing you can do.

Report Abuse
9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3256

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

It can takes some time, people in China seems to react very emotionally first, and then they might become more reasonable with time and when all other options (various form of emotional blackmailing) failed. Wait, don't give in to any unreasonable requests ("you should buy a flat first" is a typical one), ignore the ranting even it gets ugly.

 

If it can makes you fell better : at first, MIL and FIL went apeshit when they knew I was a foreigner, even if they knew nothing about me. At some point, they wanted to pay a private investigator to check that I was really a university teacher, that my diplomas were real, that I did not had a wife back home already, etc. After one year of this shitstorm (that I superbly ignored) and diplomatic efforts of my wife (I suspect shouting matches on a weekly basis between her and her parents), I came to their home for a visit. And they liked me, seeing I was a simple, straight guy, who always respected and supported their daughter. Now, we have a very good relationship, they consider me like their own family.

Report Abuse
9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1845

Shifu

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

It depends on the resolve of your girlfriend. If your girlfriend can stay strong while you win the MIL over there is hope. If your girlfriend gives up easily it will be a lot harder.

Report Abuse
9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 162

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0
Report Abuse
9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 166

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Yes, it can be done by money.

Report Abuse
9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2531

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

I will give you some advice and pointers on how to win favors with the MIL. 

 

- give it time, Chinese (especially older) need time to digest things out of the normal

- make enough money to let her know her daughter's future is stable

- let her know you future plans (most are worried you will take off or take their daughters... let her know you will stick around or if you leave, you will come back to visit regularly)

- learn to speak some Chinese and speak to her directly (this is HUGE)

- try to have good manners and join in on their activities (like playing card games, or some mahjong or drinking a little with the FIL and his buddies)

- don't be a clown, even though they are laughing or smiling... they are secretly judging you and think you are not serious enough to be a husband

- Chinese women expect GOOD Chinese men to be successful, serious at most times, quiet, patient and own some sort of vehicle or future apartment... if you have a lot of money then some of these things go out the window. 

 

That's what I learned, use it how you will and good luck! 

Report Abuse
9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 5156

Emperor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

She's trying to drive up the price for you to buy her from the family. It is a common bargaining tactic. Even when you pay, they will still meddle in your marriage or insist on living with you. If she is making trouble now it will only get worse if you marry her. Do the smart thing and find a woman  with no baggage.

 

There are plenty of women in China and the world. 

Report Abuse
9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 20

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

find a new girl.  that psycho mother will destroy everything and her daughter is too weak to stand on her own two feet because of her over bearing mother.  You can't defeat Chinese xenophobia.  It has been hammered into their brains since the the Qing dynasty.

Report Abuse
9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 156

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Maybe she playing hard ball, waiting for the right moment to lay the very heft hugely over inflated dowry on you. Not to see just how much you value the daughter, but how much the mother values her. Remember children in China are an asset  commodity. Don't try to become excepted or liked too hard, you should be excepted and liked for who you are, not what you can supply. If later you cannot, or fail to keep up the appearance they'll claim you cheated them, and seek more reimbursement, if they're inclined to be this way.

Report Abuse
9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 30

Governor

0
0
You must be a registered user to vote!
You must be a registered user to vote!
0

Bro, everyone is telling you be a nice guy but in reality its gonna turn you into a B-i-t-c-h in decision making later. firstly ii would suggest dont get married to a chinese girl without the family accepting you as a decision making figure, or trust me it will end up a huge disaster later, happened to everyone, chinese girls change very fast, especially after marriage, and once u have a baby the vampire teeth come out. Because no matter how much love there is but the culture is more materialistic and practical after marriage, first hand experience!!....be strong and firm in any situation, especially the mother in law, because if you are not, she will ruin your household, ive seen enough of this around me and dont like it because in the end the children suffer. be prepared to get the mother in law as a wedding gift in your marriage, she will there 24/7 and influencing decisions...so my experience and suggestion, be firm, tell her you are a man and will take care of her daughter more than they ever could, love her enough to spend the rest of your life with her, though thick and thin, so stop judging you on your nationality and ethnicity once you are firm and make them believe that you are a strong minded "man" they will accept you, and not only accept you but also respect you, and if your going down too much be ready to be a house poodle. 

i learnt from experiences around me and applied in my life, when my wife's parents started bitchin about all this stuff i made them sit down and told them very firmly, that i appreciate their concern, i will not buy a house in china, instead will in any country in the world in her name but not china, am a grown man and will take care of my family , but will not accept foreign intrusion in my household, so the choice is theirs, thats how it is or the door is right in front of them...

bro there is nothing like the "right one", every second one will be the right one, think practically will she be a good wife, a good mother etc etc. because the illusion of love fades away in 2 months and thats when practicality kicks in.

and one more thing do not accept any money or monetary advance for housing or anything from them, thats the anchor that will sink the ship..

Be honest, and be masculine, cuz eventually thats what they want, a man who doesnt give up in life, other wise you might get married, treated like a poodle and your wife constantly reminded that she had other options.

Report Abuse
9 years 23 weeks ago

The world is a canvas so paint what you like.

 
Know the answer ?
Please or register to post answer.

Report Abuse

Security Code: * Enter the text diplayed in the box below
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <img> <br> <p> <u>
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • Textual smileys will be replaced with graphical ones.

More information about formatting options

Forward Question

Answer of the DayMORE >>
A:  "... through ..."?  Only "through" comes to mind is "S
A: "... through ..."?  Only "through" comes to mind is "Shenzhen agent can connect you with an employer, who's authorized to hire waigouren ... and can sponsor Z visa." It's not like every 10th person you meet in Shenzhen's hood can sponsor work visa ...  The only way to change from student to labourer visa is just a regular way by: 1. Finding an employer, who'll apply for an Invitation letter; 2. Exit China and apply for Z visa in your home country's Chinese embassy; 3. Enter China in 30-days after Z visa was stamped into your travelling instrument ...As I am aware, you won't be able to switch to Working permit by remaining in China....,so make ready for a return to your home .... -- icnif77