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Q: shall I make contact with him?
I need some advice. Last summer I travelled to visit a guy that I liked. We were friends previously at work in Shanghai and I always felt something for him, he followed me around the office, asked bizarre questions, went out of his way to know me. Anyway so I decided to visit him.
I'm American and he's Chinese, and he always had a complex about his current status (he started university late, etc). However, he got a really good promotion from the company where we both worked.
Anyway so when I went to visit him, he was pleased to see me and he treated me to a really nice dinner and had a really lovely evening.
The day after we met up again (after he finished work) and we went to a bar. He introduced me to his friends. A waitress asked if we were a couple, she said we look like soul mates. That was a bit embarrassing. He asked me about my future plans and where I plan to live.
The day after, he never really wanted to make a plan to see me. I called him and he said he was busy, he was very aloof. I called him and he didn't answer. I rang his number from a different number and he answered. It felt awful that he was ignoring just me.
A few hours later, he came to meet me and he said that he was stuck in traffic and that he has a really busy day. I do believe him because he was so stressed, I know the company put tons of pressure on him.
Anyway after some tea, he asked loads more questions about my future plans. And towards the end of the evening, I told him how I felt. We were saying goodbye and I didn't want to go without saying anything.
He was really surprised that I had liked him for so long. He said that he didn't have feelings for me. He asked me why I didn't tell him when we worked together.
To be honest I just don't believe him and I think he's denying his feelings. And then he asked why I liked him if he was Asian. I said to him it's not about his ethnicity, etc. A rule with our company (I've now left) is that he can't marry a foreigner because it's a government organisation. He said that he can't marry me even if we dated, so I feel he's thought about it.
I always feel he'll leave the company when he gets enough confidence and experience.
Anyway when we said goodbye he said for me to keep in touch.
After that I didn't contact him. I just didn't know what to say. About 6 months later, he added me on a social networking site. I didn't confirm him, but he can see what I'm doing. He came back to the city he's from (Shanghai) a while later and ignored me. I was a bit hurt, however this rule with foreigners doesn't help. I think he avoided me because he didn't know if I was talking to him or not.
I know he's mentioned me to a close friend of mine and told a mutual colleague that I did visit him. So I'm a little confused.
I want to email him and clarify things. I just don't know what to say. Or shall I let this go...It seems like he can "follow" me on a social networking site, ask my friends about me but not contact me directly.
I sometimes think if he had a different job I know he would contact me. Do you think I should write to him? He said for me to keep in touch...
10 years 30 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Hay admin can you convert that Forum section that nobody uses into a relationship help line ? 
and for anyone looking for a start up business this could be for you .
Hi Peaceprincess
You said you’re American, but your state of emotional confusion is remarkably similar to that of a Chinese girl (any age).
Here are two possible courses of action:
The Western Course of Action
Forget him and move on. He’s obviously not interested in a relationship with you. For future reference: contempt and disinterest are usually not good signs.
The Chinese Course of Action
1. Continue calling him at all hours until he gets really irritated.
2. Lurk near his apartment and watch who is going in and out. If you see a girl, run up and slap her, then start shouting obscenities.
3. Call his family and tell them he’s sleeping with prostitutes, and that you’re going to burn down their house.
4. Go to his apartment in the middle of the night, scream a lot and bang on his door until the whole apartment complex is awake.
5. Tell him you’re not going to stop until he gives you money (20,000 would be a good starting figure). If he gives in and pays you, continue harassing him (start from step 1).
It's time to move on Princess. You will find another guy, just believe in that.
i think any of us have an initial problem decoding the sometimes confusing behaviour of Chinese. but once we encounter it, we probably all better prepared for what we perceive to be the contradictions in cross-cultural encounters. You just have to suck it in and move on.
If you need a good poking, pm me.
xinyuren:
What happened Crimo, you done with your new gf already? Come to think of it, it's been a few weeks since I heard from you. Yeah, you're done with her.
philbravery:
how do you know it is not crimo or the Dude she is talking about?
Has anyone on here considered that they may be a tad harsh?
I guess we have all been in China too long to even consider whether or not someone or something is genuine.
I am in that category myself, so I understand.
"shall I make contact with him?"
this is pure Chenglish, obviously you are not American but anyway i would just advise to move on and forget him
hmmm, chasing Chinese girls has it's own ups and downs and now, a foreign lady giving herself up to a Chinese guy also comes with it's problems. who Jah bless??
No, please do not contact me any more. I do not want you back.
If I've said it once,I've said it a thousand times, no why?
I never interested on them, u have to love yourself and deserves more.
No no no, please don't contact him.
all what he has done is meaning that he doesn't love you. Once a guy loves you, he would do anything to approach you and telling you that he loves you.
"Keep in touch" sometimes in China is a formal social statement, like saying goodbye. We said "keep in touch" for all our schoolmates when we graduated, but we never contact some of them after that.
Assume that he loves you, maybe he is just concussed that he can't not marry you due to the rule of his company, but he's ignoring you, so what if he marries you? he can still ignores you when he feels confused after marrying you!
If you can really just treat him as a FRIEND only, you can contact him, talk as a friend. but if you look forward something more than a friend from him, NO! you deserve better, a guy who really loves and cares about you!
Girl, just move on!
I think he is just curious and being nice.
It's pretty normal for a Chinese guy to treat a girl nice dinner even she is not gf.
About "keep in touch"... we say that all the time.
If this bothers you that much then you should just never contact him again and move on.
Yea! I think you should move on...he is not interested in you.
hi, i think it is very rare for chinese guys to date and marry american girls.. first of all, they might have concerns about cultural difference..a lot of couples have gotten married and then divorced just because a lot of problems arise due to cultural difference. also he might just want a traditional chinese girl to marry , one that comes from similar background.. you need to know that for chinese guys, most of them are very traditional and not so open about dating someone from overseas. Another reason he might be ignoring you might be that he is not confident about himself and scared that he won't be able to live up to your expectations.. i think if a guy really wants to be with you, he will do something about it.. i think you should just move on and get over him by meeting other guys and dating other guys.. if you two are destined to be together, you will be.. in the meantime, don't waste your time on this..
If you really want to contact him and try to start a relationship with him, you might want to take a look at this relationship advice blog where you can find a lot of information on relationships.
I hope, by now, you've forgotten him already. It's obvious, he has no interest in you. He may have been attracted by the foreign face around him, at the job you've worked together, but that was pretty much it.
Your post looks old, like 29 weeks ago, that was in November-December last year. What did you do, in the end?
