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Q: What kind of gift should I give a sick/dying Chinese relative?
My wife's uncle is in the hospital, and may be dying soon. I want to buy him a gift from both of us, but I don't know what to get him. I also asked her what kind of gift we should give, but she said she didn't know. Any ideas? I want to make sure it isn't a gift that will incite his superstitious beliefs, whatever they may be. I want to avoid offending him.
I just want him to feel happy and at ease. He did a good job of raising my wife after her grandfather died, and I want to show him my appreciation.
LOVE
maggiegirly:
Yes ,I agree.
try to spend more time with him If you can.
Family care is what he really wants.
诸葛亮:
Not sure why I didn't think about this at first... I'm ashamed. It's probably the best gift we can give him.
A basket of nice fresh fruit but be VERY, VERY careful in your selection of fruit because some fruits have special meanings, such as pears and things like that; consult an older, more traditional Chinese person and they will tell you.
Indeed, spend some quality moments with him.
And forgive me, if you are religious, pray the Good Lord for his soul.
well, a gift you can touch is kinda beside the point now. If I were in his shoes, as we all will be sooner or later, I think it would be cool if one of my family members made a Financial Donation on my behalf to whatever it was that had laid hold of me...
eg.
As cliche as it sounds, a red envelope. Stuff it with as much cash as you are comfortable with.
There is no health insurance here (that is worth anything, anyway) so all of the bills can be tough to keep up with. If he is dying, he isn't thinking of his comfort needs, he is thinking about providing for his family and not being a drain on their savings. The money in that envelope will go a long way to giving him a sense of peace.
In China I had to say goodbye to 3 dear friends. And after a lot of thought and talking to other people, this was the best thing I could find to give them.
He is dying, so he probably does not want anything material for himself at this moment. Like Paulmartin said above, LOVE would be the best thing.
Tell him how happy you are with your wife, and how grateful you are to the uncle for making her the woman she is today. Promise him that you will take good care of your wife just as he would have done as well. Let him know in this way that his life had meaning for you and for your wife and it also assures him that she will be taken good care of in the future when he no longer is around.
GuilinRaf:
Dont sweat it. Maybe they belong to the milk industry...?
A bottle of baijiu and a few xiaojie. Let him have a little more fun before he goes.
Oh, I kid... Well, depends on the guy. He might like it...
Anyway, I had a similar situation before and the best advice I can give is to help and make sure his affairs are in order. As Xpat John said, he is probably concerned about being a burden financially on his family due to hospital bills. Helping him to feel comfortable that he is leaving everyone in good hands will really help.
That and baijiu and xiaojies.
Tell them to stay alive, dying is too expensive.
