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Q: What's wrong with those people?
Last night,after my friends left Perry's at 10:30pm,I joined a group of westerners I just met there. But they didn't really talk that much with me. I felt uncomfortable and not welcomed then I left them soon.
Today I went to Shanghai brewery and tried to join playing pool with the people there. I was waitting to play and they knew. And I already wrote my name on board. The English guy did not let me play. Instead let a Taiwanese guy came to play who wasn't even wait before.
I felt offended and left soon.
How come those westerners are so rude? I was super friendly and asked to join them and I felt I am not even welcomed and it hurt my feelings.
Now I lost my interest in meeting new ppl. Just sit in the bar playing with my mobile. Screw them all.
Sometimes people just want to hang out with their friends, talk about whatever they're talking about at the time - work for example, you wouldn't be able to talk about it with them unless you worked with them - and not bother with small talk with some stranger they're probably not interested in knowing.
It sounds harsh I know, but a lot of the time people just aren't going out looking to meet new people, and anyone trying to join their conversation is just seen as being annoying and intrusive.
silverbutton1:
Let me add to Stiggs comment that some people work hard and/or long hours. Their free time is very valuable to them. Many of these type of people simply dont want to be hassled/harassed by strangers. Its that simple...leave them the fook alone.
iWolf:
How many times have you been out with your friends when some random person comes over and wants to ganbei or 'make friends' a little too earnestly?
What do you do?
Usually ignore them until they go away. And usually they do or you have to leave.
Viki87:
Stiggs,very good point. thank you. But still they act rude to be not very welcoming. If they don't want me to join. just simply say it,which I would feel better.
Stiggs:
When they didn't act welcoming, they were telling you in a subtle way they didn't want you to join them, and trying to do it in a way where nobody (you) loses face.It's up to you to take the hint.
If they wanted to be rude they would have told you to go away, in front of everyone in the room. Would you really prefer that?
Sometimes it's not what people say, it's what they don't say.
Viki87:
Depends how they say it. ajust saying that they just want a friend night which is not rude. By simplyly telling me to go away is rude.
"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our starsBut in ourselves, that we are underlings." Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140-141)
Here's where it gets down to the nitty gritty. It would be extremely unusual for a group of western guys to shirk the attention of a single female in this way. There would have to be something badly out of place for that to happen.
Not even for sexual reasons would this happen. Even if the guys had no sexual interest in you, it is highly unlikely that they would act in such an impolite fashion to a woman.
Therefore, your opening question is either attention seeking drivel or there is something that makes you highly objectionable to be with.
My guess is the former rather than the latter.
Viki87:
I was super polite. I saied:I am Victoria,what's your name? Where are you from? It's my first time in this bar. How do you like it?
They had no table and I introduced them to my french friends and chinese friends. And my friends greeted them. We were nice. Then they left as they said our table was too small for all of them. Then my friends left earlier and I asked to join them. One guy saied sure. Then I joined but most of them just cold to me and not chat to me that much. They chatted to each other instead. I felt awful.
About playing pool,being polite as well. I went to Introduce myself at the beginning and waited to play and chatted a few with the English guy about Christmas and my work as he picked up the topic. But he was so rude to me for not let me play.
Viki87:
I had many bad experiences with the westerners before as well.
1:I always went to windows close to my house and met the American guy who often went there too. As we often go there and we often met each other by random. At first I greeted them when I saw him. But he never greeted me everytime he saw me. So I stopped greeting him.
2:A Scottish friend asked me to go to party with him and his friends. Most of his friends barely talked me to when I went and I was being polite and talked to them. I felt akward.
3:My English friend and I used to go to a Russian girl's birthday party. but that girl only greeted him not me. She knew my friend was going to bring me over.
And all ppl there barely talked to me. Being polite got nothing you see. K
cub:
come on kaiwen u are sounding snotty rude and very judgemental about vicky here just because by ECC u know a little more about her ok? @ vicky sorry for westerners treating u so rude and bad like u experienced As for myself i wouldnt had treated u with such rudeness i would had been happy to chatted with u if i go to bars/clubs[ but i dont] Of course the saying i go by is treat everyone with respect as how i expect to be treated in return before u even have met yet! vicky, i never been to a bar never plan to go to a bar mostly because u never know what u will catch or take home u might not want and idont drink And besides there are many other better quality places a person can meet other people at besides a bar or club So vicky, now after saying this im waiting for insulting comments from others here not for what i said but what others assume guess and make up about me on ECC so im waiting for the other shoe to drop! u will read what i mean! Again, sorry for the rude treatment or attitude from these westerners u met but dont lump all us western people in the same group ok?
I think what Kaiwen says could be something to think about. However, if you had approached these people along with a female friend of yours, I am sure you would have been better welcomed. Get yourself a wing-woman
Maybe they thought you were a chicken.....or worse, a visa-digger
Viki87:
Wow then you westerhers are the God. If they do not speak to a achinese woman,the only thing wrong is the Chinese woman. What a good reason? Westerners never made mistakes. Chinese wmen have problem thats why we deserve them to treat us like this
iWolf:
In all seriousness, I am sure the reason is that they were with friends and playing pool and weren't interested in meeting people.
Although you may be stunning with such flawless english that people don't think you are chinese, sometimes a quiet night out with your mates means a quiet night out with your mates. And random people throwing themselves at you is just annoying.
"I am Victoria,what's your name? Where are you from? It's my first time in this bar. How do you like it?"
They probably thought you were just there to practice on your English. Ya see, us westerners grow quite tired of the same ole textbook questions you Chinese ask us. We can spot ya a mile away.[in other words, we arent here for a free English conversation class in a non-classroom setting]. Maybe next time be a bit more outside-the-box with your questions, etc. and see where it goes...
Viki87:
That's funny. Apprently they know I was with my French friends in the bar and my friends greeted them later. And they throught I am not even Chinese. To be honest I never practice English with non native English Speaker. And my Oral English will never make ppl think I want to practice it.
silverbutton1:
Viki. Well then I simply dont know then. I just gave a ball park guess based on the limited info. gl.
Viki87:
maybe some people just not friendly. I guess they will treat many ppl like that.
People, they just ain't no good.
If me, I would've spoken to you. But, at the end of the day, I'm no good either.
I think your best bet would be to change your style.
Sometimes people just want to hang out with their friends, talk about whatever they're talking about at the time - work for example, you wouldn't be able to talk about it with them unless you worked with them - and not bother with small talk with some stranger they're probably not interested in knowing.
It sounds harsh I know, but a lot of the time people just aren't going out looking to meet new people, and anyone trying to join their conversation is just seen as being annoying and intrusive.
silverbutton1:
Let me add to Stiggs comment that some people work hard and/or long hours. Their free time is very valuable to them. Many of these type of people simply dont want to be hassled/harassed by strangers. Its that simple...leave them the fook alone.
iWolf:
How many times have you been out with your friends when some random person comes over and wants to ganbei or 'make friends' a little too earnestly?
What do you do?
Usually ignore them until they go away. And usually they do or you have to leave.
Viki87:
Stiggs,very good point. thank you. But still they act rude to be not very welcoming. If they don't want me to join. just simply say it,which I would feel better.
Stiggs:
When they didn't act welcoming, they were telling you in a subtle way they didn't want you to join them, and trying to do it in a way where nobody (you) loses face.It's up to you to take the hint.
If they wanted to be rude they would have told you to go away, in front of everyone in the room. Would you really prefer that?
Sometimes it's not what people say, it's what they don't say.
Viki87:
Depends how they say it. ajust saying that they just want a friend night which is not rude. By simplyly telling me to go away is rude.
Despite what you may think, I generally get the feeling that you just don't know how to interact and build rapport with Westerners. Can you even get along with other Chinese people well? If not, then I don't see how you would be able to form genuine friendships and bonds with people that hail from such different backgrounds, each with their own unique set of values and culture.
When getting know people, the person with whom you're interacting with wants to feel valued. I've met alot of Chinese people here where it's felt as if they only want to learn more about me as a 'British foreigner' rather than me as an individual, as 'Timothy'. Noone likes that and it's not appreciated. Just something to bear in mind.
silverbutton1:
You mean like the time I came to my new school as its first (and still currently sole) foriegner a few months ago. A school of 2700 students in Wuhan. Was I bombarded with so much shit from so many angles? Of course. Were any of them the least bit aware of it..not a soul. Were alot of them confused, angered, suprrised, offended, etc when i decided its best to "hole myself up in my classroom"? Absolutely. Point being, their culture is designed where they are devoid of thinking about their actions as a whole towards someone, or something. Its really bizarre, and to me, at times it seems "non-human" like, dare I say.
