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Q: Why do Chinese girls (generalizing here) seem cooler to hang out with than the men?
In the various laowai friend groups I hang out with, there's always a few cool Chinese girls in the mix. Sometimes they're dating a friend in the group, but just as often they're just cool friends.
Has anybody else noticed a favorable lean towards the feminine side of the nationality? Why do you think that is? Has anybody experienced the opposite?
There is not much I have experienced in my life that comes close to being as obnoxious as hanging out with a group of typical Chinese males. If it's not the unnecessary level of noise that puts me off, it's the spitting, hocking, exposing of unsightly bellies and legs, the stupidity of drinking competitions that they invariably lose, the need to change almost every topic onto jingoistic, Chinese superiority, the childish giggling fits and the bad breath.
All of that is even before mentioning the irritating touching and stroking.
Granted, my description does not apply to all Chinese males but there is a significant majority that do. Even the thought of spending time with them makes me feel sickly.
At least the girls in China have some class and dignity.
cub:
So kaiwen what would your idea of a decent man be it chinese or foreigner be like? Would having a decent chat without exposing unsightly body parts Never spitting or never drinking alcohol because he never has drank it before? How about chatting with u without being competitive noisey no loud decible levels? And no being arrogannt never touching u but respecting a female with dignity? How about he has no bad breath because he knows how to use a toothbrush/toothpaste? And no suggestive talking about sex or the bedroom or wanting to spend a night with u? Would alll this impress u improve your interest in him? U tell me ok? Just asking
Kaiwen:
Well Cub, since you ask, there is quite a lively expat population in the area I live in. Many Sunday afternoons, especially in the summer, a group of us get together. Multinational, Englishmen, a couple of Germans, Scandinavians, a guy from Singapore and a couple of well educated Chinese. We chat in a civilized manner. We talk about many topics including sport, music, girls, sex etc., but it never becomes jingoistic or politically motivated. We don't feel the urge to challenge one another's drinking ability. We all drink at our own pace and with respect for others. As for the personal space and the touching, if you feel comfortable with a guy stroking the hairs on your arm or rubbing your back, that is fine. I can only express my own feelings. Ditto the halitosis issue.
There is not much I have experienced in my life that comes close to being as obnoxious as hanging out with a group of typical Chinese males. If it's not the unnecessary level of noise that puts me off, it's the spitting, hocking, exposing of unsightly bellies and legs, the stupidity of drinking competitions that they invariably lose, the need to change almost every topic onto jingoistic, Chinese superiority, the childish giggling fits and the bad breath.
All of that is even before mentioning the irritating touching and stroking.
Granted, my description does not apply to all Chinese males but there is a significant majority that do. Even the thought of spending time with them makes me feel sickly.
At least the girls in China have some class and dignity.
cub:
So kaiwen what would your idea of a decent man be it chinese or foreigner be like? Would having a decent chat without exposing unsightly body parts Never spitting or never drinking alcohol because he never has drank it before? How about chatting with u without being competitive noisey no loud decible levels? And no being arrogannt never touching u but respecting a female with dignity? How about he has no bad breath because he knows how to use a toothbrush/toothpaste? And no suggestive talking about sex or the bedroom or wanting to spend a night with u? Would alll this impress u improve your interest in him? U tell me ok? Just asking
Kaiwen:
Well Cub, since you ask, there is quite a lively expat population in the area I live in. Many Sunday afternoons, especially in the summer, a group of us get together. Multinational, Englishmen, a couple of Germans, Scandinavians, a guy from Singapore and a couple of well educated Chinese. We chat in a civilized manner. We talk about many topics including sport, music, girls, sex etc., but it never becomes jingoistic or politically motivated. We don't feel the urge to challenge one another's drinking ability. We all drink at our own pace and with respect for others. As for the personal space and the touching, if you feel comfortable with a guy stroking the hairs on your arm or rubbing your back, that is fine. I can only express my own feelings. Ditto the halitosis issue.
No further comments are necessary on this thread (generalising here)
Studies have shown that women are more likely to adopt to social changes than men. They tend to be more aware of social levels, and make the moves to 'advance' themselves in those levels - to constantly move up.
Some of us are seen as an 'upgrade'. Thus, the changing to accept our values, our ways of doing things are a more likely consequence.
Men (boys) tend to be slower, and hang onto their own ways of thinking and doing. They don't adapt (change) so quickly.
Here, in this patriarchal society - yes, girls are going to be more 'submissive', and go along with the guys more often than the other way around (except, of course, when the guy wants the girl - in which case, he has to hang around her like a bad smell buying here things and fawning all over her and putting up with ridiculous amounts of BS).
thus, under certain conditions, girls can be 'cooler' to hang out with (please take note of how much of her own opinion she actually ventures! Compared to just agreeing with yours).
But, some of the guys are fine too! At least, those who speak English (which, again, is going to be relevant to this discussion... if their English is better, it tends to mean a greater interest in things not Chinese... and the jump from there should be obvious!)
WooMow:
That makes a lot of sense, surely women from cultures that undervalue them are also more interested in others.
And the speaking English thing is also a huge factor. I could do a follow up question, does it seem that more Chinese women speak English than Chinese men? I'd say yes.
Shining_brow:
Oh, that's easy! Look at the uni students studying English... FAR more girls than guys! And, I'm talking classes with NO boys at all... Maximum I had has been less than 50% boys...Usually, around 75-80% girls, 20-25% boys.
coineineagh:
Women can also be the worst conservatives around, violently upholding injustices to preserve the existing status quo, which is 'safe' and 'stable'. Men are inquisitive, undertaking, daring and physically strong. Dangerous things for a regime paranoid about control. Common men in China have been figuratively emasculated by the culture, and the 'passive' gender has been given free reign without anything to counterbalance them. Women value safety and stability; men stand up for ethics and fairness. Men are repressed here, and you can see it hurts them. That's why Chinese males are uncool; they are tormented and confused. Women don't even see the problem.
Because they are insecure little dogs, they are loyal only to their masters... they are closed books. In a masochistic society it's more important to brainwash the males, to have their thinking aligned with the government's antagonistic stance towards the outside world. It makes them feel like they are a part of something, like their lives are not totally worthless. Of course there are exceptions, i have a few really cool Chinese guy friends, but what makes them "cool" is the fact that they are more Western in mindset-or at least less Chinese.
From birth they are taught to treat outsiders with contempt and distrust, a hard mould to break. They know we are more socially evolved and that we are individuals of substance... and this makes them aggressive and hawkish... they are the on the wrong side and they know it.
But of course we just don't understand Chinese "culture". Let's go eat some deer penises so we can finally get a wee boner!
For me I get along better with girls, because with most guys I met for friends there seems to be an ulterior motive. Hanging out at first is like oh this pretty cool, a few days later it's hey can you visit my factory/school/office to visit and help out with something. Most girls it's you hang out and that's that, maybe buy her coffee or meal if it's someone you are actually interested in, but most girls I have hung out with tell me not to pay since we are just friends. Although sometimes when I hang out with friends they tend to take crap from stupid people talking about them being around a foreigner because guys are jealous and the older generation pretty much is ignorant.
RandomGuy:
We all get the badmouth from jealous Chinese guys when we are out with Chinese girls, even if she's just a friend or a colleague, don't let it bother you, losers being losers.
Life is so passive in China. Wealth is inherited from parents and acquired through guanxi. Opinions are dangerous to have. There's little opportunity for males to prove themselves. But it's a perfect stage for upwardly aspiring girls. It's like living in an episode of Downton Abbey, or a Crusader Kings MMORPG: Face, fussiness, prestige, piety and dynastic marriages.
Blame the totalitarian dictatorship, or "communism" as they like to call it. Blame the culture for being too cowardly to risk cultivating any dignity or upholding any ethical principals. Blame the women for being too mercenary and good looking and pushing the males to frenzy for quick cash. Blame the parents and the schools for teaching hypersensitivity and insecurity rather than real life skills.
TIC.
Lord_hanson:
Crusader kings is the bomb, love that game. I'll have to give it a go when I finally finish with my new love Fallout 4.
rasklnik:
And I thought EUIV was insane, CK is even harder...harder than a Harbin Sausage left out in the snow for a week. Harder than a black Diamondd drill bit...harder than chess with a one armed Russian...
Chinese men have very one dimensional characters. The women have boobs.
Hulk:
You forgot the other part. I'll give you a hint... starts with a "v," ends with "agina."
Among the youth, Chinese girls are immensely more modern minded than the guys who tend to be more traditional/conservative, my bet this has to do with the gender gap.
The guys know that girls are in undersupply so their goal is to wedlock one ASAP, no time for hanging out or having fun, MUST.FIND.WIFE.NOW.!
WooMow:
Probably has something to do with it, but you would think the gender gap would cause more Chinese men to learn English and assimilate to world culture standards so that they can have a better chance at finding a wife. Obviously not the case, I doubt the thought has ever occurred to most of them.
It may have to do with how modern life is experienced in China through consumer merchandise.
The women are spending.
The men are paying.
I'm sad too now.
Because, you're (straight) man.
'Biology and nature'
I don't have problems to hang out with Chinese men, but I prefer females in (my) world.
The boys have more pressure on them
The girls are more confident
They don't have anything to say. It seems like their brains aren't geared towards thinking of much. And when they do get a thought it had better be in the manual, or it can come to nothing.
Females seem to be able to do more with their brains, and aren't as afraid of failure as males.
Any special reason you want to hang out with guys?
(unless, of course, you are a girl)
