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anonymous
Q: Why does she now want to marry me?
When my Chinese girl and I started dating 2 years ago, she made it clear: Marriage is counted out because her parents wouldn't allow her to marry a foreigner, let a lone an African. So we started off with this understanding...it was fine with me although by the time I met her I was hoping for a relationship that would lead to marriage. She is beautiful, smart, respects me ( not fearing me) and really very caring. We are both students ( I'm post-grad., she, an undergrad - both graduating this year.) and she knows my finances are not impressive. So I was convinced, and I am still sure about this, money is not her motive for being with me. So I proceeded in this relationship. During these 2 years, among other things, we have been to different places together, helped each other in our studies, spent time with other foreigners and we have had great & satisfying sex ....yes, many times & we both like our sex life. She has endured her Chinese friends' 'disapproval' of her relationship with an African. Now she has started talking about us getting married. Within the 2 years I have discovered many cultural clashes that may not be good for our marriage, and therefore I have ruled out marrying her or any other non African (I don't consider myself a racist but I now feel it can't work for me). However, I can't figure out how I can convince her that marrying wouldn't be the best decision we can make. She seems a potential candidate of a serious psychological break-down should I end this relationship. How do I handle this kind of situation? Please help, I love this girl so I don't want her messed up ( psychologically) just because of me...but at the same time I feel we should not marry 4 the reason I have cited elsewhere here. I will appreciate your suggestions - this is a very serious issue for me.
12 years 3 weeks ago in Relationships - China
I call "troll". Especially the part of not being able to marry "any non-African".
Africa is a continent, not a country, with many MANY different cultures and not all of them get along and some are even trying to kill or exterminate each other.
A true African would know this.
crimochina:
damn strait i never met an african that referred to themselves as african.
again i will say why do chinese people hate being chinese so much? china has a rich culture and long history. a great clean and fastly developing society. china is on pace to be the lone super power in 50 years, with a fleet of carriers (refurbed russian ships but cant land / takeoff aircrafts, .. so what if they perform the duties of an aircraft carrier) so why do chinese go online and portray themselves as anything but chinese???
GuilinRaf:
True, some do indeed especially if the country is controversially sounding like Somalia or if it is not well known. However, I do not know of anyone who would say that they can only marry an "African" as he says, since the cultures are not uniform nor are the beliefs the same. In addition, many people from Africa hate each other depending on the Country, tribe, religion, etc.
So, I still think we have an impersonator.
Well being with you for such a long time has deep feelings for you now, where at first she completely ruled you out for marriage as her parents would not agree etc. So she has been enlightend if you like to.
There will always be culture clashes not just because you African, but from many other countries and for most who love there partner is of how much you can put up with and accept and vice versa.
If you love her maybe try to work it out and have a good sit down and talk about where you seeing the relationship going. If you see no future and love her like you said the longer it goes on the harder it will be and will hurt her more.
If you are an American/Canadian African, German, French or anything like that, it would be bonus aspect of marriage for her. Not to say she doesn't love you for obviously she does, it would be a thought that although disapproval here, it surely wouldn't be a disapproval in your home country. Just a thought. If you love her, then marry her man
It seems you wanted to make absolutely SURE we knew about the sex part...
But yeah I'm in the same situation, and not for the first time.
Just tell her you're not ready to get married, explain how it goes in your culture, best case scenario all goes well (and she postpones it...), worst case scenario she wants to break up, but then good riddance.
I perfectly get the cultural clashes making you want to marry someone sharing the same culture as you, by the way, but it kind of softens after a while.
However, If you truly love her, if you're sure you're not still into the lust/"high on love" part, and if you feel she's the kind of person you'd be ready to spend the rest of your life with (well, there's divorce if it doesn't work, but yeah), the perhaps you could consider it.
I call "troll". Especially the part of not being able to marry "any non-African".
Africa is a continent, not a country, with many MANY different cultures and not all of them get along and some are even trying to kill or exterminate each other.
A true African would know this.
crimochina:
damn strait i never met an african that referred to themselves as african.
again i will say why do chinese people hate being chinese so much? china has a rich culture and long history. a great clean and fastly developing society. china is on pace to be the lone super power in 50 years, with a fleet of carriers (refurbed russian ships but cant land / takeoff aircrafts, .. so what if they perform the duties of an aircraft carrier) so why do chinese go online and portray themselves as anything but chinese???
GuilinRaf:
True, some do indeed especially if the country is controversially sounding like Somalia or if it is not well known. However, I do not know of anyone who would say that they can only marry an "African" as he says, since the cultures are not uniform nor are the beliefs the same. In addition, many people from Africa hate each other depending on the Country, tribe, religion, etc.
So, I still think we have an impersonator.
marry her. take out life insurance on yourself, (make sure it includes suicide) 2 months later, jump off the tallest bridge you can find. and please do not impregnate her. the world will be a better place and she will be well off.
nice try imposter
