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Posts: 335

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Q: Why are Chinese girls obsessed with marriage?

I've had some Chinese girlfriends in the past and always ALWAYS within a few weeks the subject of 'the future' is broached and it inevitably includes questions about marriage or in less severe cases, living together.
How the hell do I find an easy-going Chinese girl who isn't gonna stress about marriage or how many kids she wants to have with me? It seems an impossible task.

10 years 14 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Posts: 424

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They as presuried byt the family... i see it in the family i married in to. Worst of all is..... girls must marry a man with good education, money, and a good appartment... love is the last item on the list.. if it is on the list..

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10 years 14 weeks ago
 
Posts: 650

Shifu

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Oh, please not every Chinese girl wants to get married.

And Ludovico, how old r u? If you are in your 20s, and dated all girls younger than you I may want to ask what city are you living in China?

For you an easy-going Chinese gf means can have sex when you have interest and can stop the relation when you want. Trust me, not only Chinese a lot women will not like it if they care about you. So, just try to find someone treat you like nothing, you will be satisfied.

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10 years 13 weeks ago
 
Posts: 16

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Oh please Wenna, not every foreign guy is just looking for sex.
Granted, there are some that are, but most are just looking for a fun relationship where the words 'marriage' or 'move in together' aren't uttered in at least the first 3 months. Is that so much to ask?!

It seems that most Chinese girls are under great pressure to marry from their parents, not just that, but marry someone who is solvent. And not just cash rich, but property rich too: a flat, a car, nice things, and of course a solid job. The notion of romantic love is lost on most Chinese people.

Case in point... go to Renmin Park in Shanghai on a weekend, there's a bit which is a 'marriage market' where concerned mums & dads go with an A4 sheet of paper with their son or daughter's details on, like height, education background, and work experience. It's more like trying to find a job than a lifelong partner! And is utterly baffling for people who were brought up to believe you should marry someone you are in love with, regardless of their socio-economic background. Bloody pragmatic Chinese.

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10 years 13 weeks ago
 
Posts: 9206

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It's not just Chinese women. All my life women asked me about marriage between the first fifteen minutes of the first date and about three weeks later. I think women every where grow up wanting to be married to their prince. We grow up to drive race cars and blow up shit.

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10 years 6 weeks ago
 
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Go to shanghai, girls there dont have check lists.

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10 years 6 weeks ago
 
Posts: 42

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There is virtually no other way for them to ensure they can suport themselves and their parents well in the future. What can they do? It's sad but true. They also grow up being taught these things by society adn their families

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10 years 5 weeks ago
 
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it really difficult for chinese girls they are not sure about what they want in thier life.they think much money,beautiful house ,nice car in thier possession is best live.wow! Crying Crying .

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10 years 4 weeks ago
 
Posts: 139

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If this article is anything to go by, it seems things are getting better:

'As such, "Naked Wedding" is becoming quite popular, as the core concept of a "naked wedding" is a wedding where the couple have "no house, no car, no ring, no veil, no savings, no ceremony, no honeymoon"; it is simply a "frugal" direct marriage registration.'

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10 years 3 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3339

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Dude, all women are crazy about babies. Chinese women are just honest about it.

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10 years 3 weeks ago
 
Posts: 6321

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I dont think it is just in China. I am in my 40's, never married and people both in China and the West (especially the women) act either horrified or assume one is gay. When I was young, I spent half my time worrying if I would ever get a girlfriend, and when I did, I spent the other half of my time worrying if I would ever get RID of her.... Tongue

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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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They're obsessed with babies more than marriage. Marriage is just a step towards the baby.

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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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I don't know how chinese women approach the subject, but smart women should ask what her boyfriend's intentions are. If she has the need or desire to get hitched and have babies, why should she waste her time with a guy who doesn't?
Smart men should do the same. I recently broke up with a guy after 2 months because it was obvious to me he was looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with, and I'm not looking for that. I've already checked the marriage thing off my to do list. I'm not interested in it again. Not right now anyway.. maybe when I'm... 90.
The longer she spends with some dude who has no intention of getting married, gives her less time to find someone who is willing to get married.
Moms all around the world raise used to raise their daughters to think that marriage is the ultimate goal because it was (1) tradition and (2) much harder for women to support themselves. It's only been in the past few decades that it's become plausible for women to make it on their own.
Chinese women not only have to think about themselves in a country where they have to work much harder to get an education, find a sustainable job, and all the things women are afforded the rights to in the west, but they also have to take into consideration (because of the one child policy) that they will have to take care of their parents (and maybe even grandparents).
China needs to have a gender revolution! Until they do, the majority of chinese women will be looking for a life long commitment.
Be glad they are asking you your intentions, and not wasting either of your time. Move on so both of you can be happy, instead of being selfish.

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9 years 50 weeks ago
 
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Even if I am not looking for sex what kind of relationship doesn't have sex involved?
How do you dare calling a relationship if there's no sex? Angry

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9 years 49 weeks ago
 
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Women only need a lot of love and sense of safety,maybe you didn't assure her that you love her or you didn't really walk into her heart.Or maybe she really loved you and thought of her future with you. Just tell them the truth what you think, don't waste her time if you never have the same future thought with her..Marriage is just a paper thing, it is really not important. But when you love someone, please love her fully and truely, just like you will get married to her...

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9 years 49 weeks ago

WHATEVERS

 
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I think there comes a certain point when a person knows they want to get married in the next couple of years. If I were at that point I'd immediately want to know if someone I was considering dating was, too. Not because I want to marry them, but because I know I want to marry someone and if you know you don't then why waste time?

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9 years 49 weeks ago

Before you judge someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you're a mile away and you have their shoes!

 
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Come on! We are in 2011 and still people are so close minded (pardon my English...I know is not that good). First of all, before judge, you have to consider the social environment those women come from. In a society where the woman cannot have a future if is not married, is totally normal if they are obsessed of marriage. In other countries where a woman can have a good life without marriage, obsession of marriage is lass...I know my English is shit but you get my meaning. And guys: not all the woman in this world wants marriage and babies! It depends on the cultural circumstances and the education. For example me and some friends I have, are not interested in marriage at all (no way!) and babies? Ok, but after 10 years (I am 26), If I have a baby now my life would be spoiled. I live in China alone far from my house and country, I work and I have many ambitions and a baby would not make me able to do all the things I want to do.
But imagine a woman that needs to marry to have a normal life (I feel pity for them, honestly), of course they are obsessed!
So my meaning is that not all the women want the same thing and it depends on the cultural circumstances and on their situation.

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9 years 49 weeks ago
 
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4 words: societal pressure and expectations. Chinese women are conditioned into thinking that marrying at a young age is the proper and respectable thing to do, just like many Western women freak out when they are over thirty, single and very far from realising that horse & carriage wedding dream they had when they were 7. And also, there's also the pressure from parents who really push their daughters in wedlock so that they can 放心 and look forward to the grandchild. They don't mean any harm by it, they just want their kids to be secure or 稳定 as the Chinese like to call it.

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9 years 49 weeks ago
 
Posts: 47

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Your desire to have meaningless relationships with Chinese women is why some of the female commenters are writing that they want to run away from marriage. If you don't want marriage then don't get involved with any woman in China. And then we as men want to complain that these women want to cash in on their looks to the guy with the fattest wallet.  Or all they care about is a house and car. You're making it bad for all of us who actually want women for marriage. 

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9 years 43 weeks ago
 
Posts: 30

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A part from all the obvious reasons of tradition, family pressure etc... There's also the fact that you are a foreigner so the 'future' subject will always come up earlier than expected as there is a chance of you leaving the country. Some people do not start relationships unless they think there is a possibility of making it work, I think like that sometimes, if I know from the beginning that it is not going anywhere why should I put up with all the complications of having a BF? On the other hand If I only want sex I rather have it with different people rather than with the same one all the time cos at that time i want no commitment or I am not ready for it and i cannot expect the other person to understand my point of view.
So if you want an open relationship maybe in China is much better to have no relationship at all.
It doesn't make you a bad person to have a different woman all the time as long as you are honest and they know what your intentions are. If you make a one night stand last for months without being honest, then is your fault not hers. 

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9 years 43 weeks ago
 
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If you look back at the US and Europe pre-60's-70's, women were also very much interested to secure their life by finding right away a husband, either through direct dating or through family acquaintances. With the emerging of feminism, the women started to be more independent and able to decide whether marriage or career was of primary important.
In China, until the 90's, Chinese women became more free to find their right husband, instead of the secular tradition of arranged marriages, but got also more pressure from the family to quickly find their husband as to secure the woman's life, and very often her parents' life too. By that, it meant that the husband and his family ought to be quite financially secure.
Nowadays, with China turning more and more into a capitalist and materialist society, enough money to secure a family is not enough anymore. More money is better. Now, for Chinese girls, especially those with little knowledge of the world outside China, foreigners (especially white foreigners) keep being perceived as the ones to be able to provide the extra financial security for a woman.
If they find one who is interested in dating them, they would make sure that this relationship is ending by a wedding and that their life will eventually be financially secure.
As an example, my wife started to put pressure on me about getting married because her parents put pressure on her. I have however never yielded to her. When I felt ready to assume the role of husband, then I decided to propose her.
Maybe, you can just mention that you don't feel ready to get married now and that you need a couple of years with a person to decide whether or not she is the right girl for you.

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9 years 42 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1090

Shifu

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Lud..wow just a few weeks..damn! I have yet to have a Chinese girlfriend..want one.. your words give me pause. :(

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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
Posts: 84

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Possibly security or gain, not sure which order they should be in.

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8 years 47 weeks ago
 
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Best thing to do is get a tattoo on your forehead that says "Not looking for a serious relationship" and when you're ready, just change the "t" to a "w" in the first word. 

icnif77:

The thingy is, one should do yer tattoo in Chinese characters  to capture the wider audience ...

 

If you look at the time stamp, this Q was posted/relevant 9-years or so ago. Today, you'll be lucky if Chinese girl will hold laowai's hand through the stroll ..

22 hours 18 min ago
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