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Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: Chinese women's attitudes - Submissive or in control?
From your experience, is China a little like Japan, where men are given face by women by being allowed to act all bossy and domineering?
When a couple is out, have you noticed trends in these attitudes? Are there times when the gf or wife will give face to her husband in public by being submissive?
If you have or have had a Chinese girlfriend or boyfriend, is that something you've noticed at all?
12 years 32 weeks ago in Relationships - China
I would say in public men have the last word, and while at home, women are in charge. That has been, in general, my experience here.
The Chinese girl acting submissive, like Japanese girls, is just about non-existent here. Chinese girls are all about exerting dominence and control. Whether that control be done by yelling & throwing, or by pouting and acting like a 5 year old.
id agree with happy. Ive seen girls pull tamtrums here in publis on a very few occasions but never all out destroying their guys in public like in the west. But yeah dont for a second think they are submissive all round...
Personally, I don't think it is a matter of giving face to the man when women are submissive in public. Being smarter than that, they act they way they act in order to get what they want. A man will respond more readily to a submissive attitude than a confrontational one. So, the woman knows what works, depending on the personal relationship. Obviously, men do the same thing. If being cranky and bitchy works, then that is what will be displayed. If being coy and sweet works, then that's fine, too.
I don't think that, in general, women in China are any more submissive than their counterparts in other countries. Much of it is age related. One could base the assumption on younger women, who, in China, tend to be more shy and reserved, but I think this changes as women get more mature, working in a business and real world environment. They know that if they need or want something, not only how to ask for it, but also the appropriate place and time.
The "sa jiao" act that is witnessed so many times in public (and private) is a role play. It is a cultural condition that is protracted because some men here like that type of behavior. Again, it is not, in my opinion, designed to give face to the male, but simply to get what the girl wants. I believe that the side effect of this is that it may give the man face, but as with many things involving face, it is only perception.
In the end, it is all about respect, which is earned by a person, and given to them by someone else. Just my take on things. Others will probably have more insight into this.
My experience is that in public she lets me have the last word, but at home, she rules supreme. If I want her to do something or stop doing something, she will listen to what I say and then continue doing or not doing whatever.
My gf is a dream. Clever, but not devious. Submissive, but not gullible. She absolutely respects me (even after knowing my weaknesses) and I her. She is not shy, but she is young and inexperienced. She knows this, so she will accept my word as authority. She follows my lead. We have very good chemistry together despite our age difference. I just don't like her family. They are countryside people with antiquated ideas.
I agree with Xpat John, completely. I own a business, work for a law firm and some side things, but I've been all around China and what I see from the majority of the women in China is just a terrible two year old. I had two female clients for importing, one got in serious trouble for making money without paying her taxes, she sat on the ground and cried, kicked my chair, and all around played a two year old because I told her either pay someone to get her out of trouble or pay the taxes, her comment, I cheated for my money, I'm not being cheated to pay it back. And if that doesn't show you something then just walk around the street watch how they act in public when among bf's or husbands.