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Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: Dating in China?
Hear me out for a second. I know we've had a lot of dating questions on here lately, about dating Chinese girls etc. But what I wanna know is how you all feel about the process of dating in China and the pressures which come with it. I think it's a very complicated situation because most likely the girl/guy you end up dating is from a different country to you which, if you stay together and get married, will lead to some major life decisions later. Do you stay and live in China together? If you leave do you go and live in his/her country or yours? I know it depends on the couple but I want to know how all of you deal with these questions.
10 years 24 weeks ago in Relationships - China
I say dont think about it. Youll just stress yourself out. Making plans for the future is a fools errand. Nothing ever works out the way you planned anyways. Just live your life to the fullest and in regards to your dating question. When the time actually comes to make those life decisions you should already know the answer.
louischuahm:
Mike, you are so right! Cross the bridge when you get to it. Go with the flow. Everything in China is transient.
It's a really good question, and I would recommend anyone thinking about it even if they think they are just casually dating, you never know if you meet someone who is more than just a person to have fun with.
Flip the question. Let's say you're in university in your home country. You meet a gorgeous exchange student that at any level is the right person for you. What to do? For me it would be easier to deal with the tough decisions than to let go.
brother1818:
Ya, it wouldn't stop me from dating someone, and hasn't, but it still concerns me, especially when I see the relationship going well..
Scandinavian:
If the relationship is going well. Then that has to be a good thing right :)
I guess you are dating a Chinese girl now? Maybe talk more about where you are from, your values etc, the same about her, future plans, could she live in another country (no Chinese girl can really answer this until they have tried it)
brother1818:
I'm dating an expat who grew up in Beijing her whole life (parents from US/France), so she's western looking but quite Chinese in her thoughts. She doesn't have strong ties to the US or France but she is also lookng to move away from China at some point. And I would like to move back to South Africa some time too. Not sure when but for sure some day.
Scandinavian:
if she has ties to US and France, then she is probably more likely to be able to know if she could live in another country, I assume she has visited family in US and France.
You can level the playing field by picking a completely different country, should you leave.
It is always difficult thinking outside the box if you are living inside the box. For both of you there is some good experiences to be had by visiting the mentioned countries. I'd pick France over the others any time.
brother1818:
Ya, a neutral country is always an option. I'm not that stressed about it but know that we might have to deal with it some day. And was curious about what others feel about this. But as Mike said below, deal with it when we get there.
Scandinavian:
Yup, there is great wisdom in what Mike says.
Also, in a side note. We have sometimes talked about the US as a place we (here mainly my wife) would like to try and live. The problem in doing so is that then there is zero network. If we are in either of our home countries, there will always be an uncle to call when your car blows up on the highway to Beijing and you have no idea how road service in China works. Grandparents for your children etc. Things that will have great value in the grown ups peoples world. Despite all my MIL bitching, she is still a far better resource than any stranger off the streets.
brother1818:
You're right, However, I cam to China in 2011 by myself with zero network and I can now say that I have one here, built over time. I think I have people here who I can call any time of day to help my in a sticky situation (and people who can call me). So it can be built. But I understand what you're saying.
I say dont think about it. Youll just stress yourself out. Making plans for the future is a fools errand. Nothing ever works out the way you planned anyways. Just live your life to the fullest and in regards to your dating question. When the time actually comes to make those life decisions you should already know the answer.
louischuahm:
Mike, you are so right! Cross the bridge when you get to it. Go with the flow. Everything in China is transient.