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Q: Do you know any good Chinese jokes?

11 years 7 weeks ago in  Arts & Entertainment - China

 
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In this clip they are at a chinese office.

The american guy said  Then the guy got fired! Get it? Ha ha ha! So Funny! Ha ha ha.

The chinese guy says: Yeah ha ha ha. 

The chinese girl says: You laughed at the American's joke. Can you explain it to me? 

The chinese guy says: I have no clue what he just said.

Traveler:

LOL. You're a ducking idiot, but I like you wink ... Shift+R improves the quality of this image. Shift+A improves the quality of all images on this page.

11 years 7 weeks ago
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11 years 7 weeks ago

There are cookies, bookies and too many rookies for me to sit here trying to be a hooky! Looky Looky don't call me a wooky. Touchy Touchy Feely Feely Spicy Spicy Nicey Nicey & that's what the doctor Ordered!!

 
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A scientist in Beijing succeeded in his experiment to clone the entire CCP Central Government. The problem he has now is what to do with a house full of plants.

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Told by a Chinese guide

 

President Obama is in his limo coming to a T-intersection and the driver says "Pres Obama, which way do you want me to go, left or right? Obama says "Turn right of course, we are a capitalist country after all."....... Pres Xi Jinping comes to the same intersection in his limo and his driver asks the same question, to turn left or right. Pres Xi says "Turn right but put the left indicator on."

 

 

 

 

 

Red_Fox:

Good one.

11 years 7 weeks ago
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A Russian, a Canadian and a Chinese  man are all sitting around in a park.  The Russian takes out a bottle of Vodka, cracks it open, takes a sip and throws the rest in the trash.  The Canadian and Chinese are confused.  " What did you do that for??????"

 

"What ?? In Russia, we have Vodka every where! Its cheap! Its in the streets, the shops at home, Vodka Vodka Vodka, its nothing!"

 

So the Chinese man opens up a pack of smokes, lights one, and throws the rest of the pack in the trash.  The Canadian and the Russian are confused. " What did you do that for???" 

 

" What?!?  In China cigarettes are everywhere! So cheap!  In the street in every shops, hundreds of kinds! Its nothing!"

 

So the Canadian reaches in his pockets and feels nothing.....

So he picks up the Chinese man and throws him in the garbage!

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11 years 7 weeks ago
 
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So, the King of Bhutan (nationalistic and proud of his nation's sizable population) decides to visit China with a full delegation for a week, boasting along the way about how many people speak the official language of Bhutan, Dzongkha: 750,000, i.e. the entire population of Bhutan.

 

The Bhutanese king meets el Presidento Chino in BJ and says " We are truly awesome!  There are 750,000 of us!"  El Presidento Chino says: "Oh, yeah?  What hotel you staying at?"

Hulk:

I... I don't get it. Here's an upvote anyway.

11 years 7 weeks ago
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Red_Fox:

Hulk: Badly worded joke, actually.  The humor lies in the unstated detail - my bad -  that the King of Bhutan arrived to China with a delegation of 750,000 delegates, and when he boasted to the Chinese leader about how great his nation was because of its population size, the Chinese leader scoffed and asked the King in which hotel they were all staying. In other words, the King's population is puny compared to China's. And the image of one Chinese hotel accommodating all 750,000 people is the punch line.  Sorta.

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I heard one last week.“作为一个中国人,这辈子不吃满元素周期表就算是白活啦!” I will try to translate it.

 

"A life without eating all the elements in the periodic table is a life worth not having for a real Chinese."

 

Remember the line in V for Vendetta?A revolution without dancing is a revolution worth not having. 

Red_Fox:

Where is the humor in your joke?

11 years 7 weeks ago
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mArtiAn:

  That................is not..................a funny joke.

11 years 1 week ago
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How do Chinese name their kids ?  Throw a handful of silverware on the floor!

 

  ching ting ping ping...

Nessquick:

hehe, yeah. tea leaves

11 years 7 weeks ago
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andy74rc:

My wife (chinese) laughed to tears to this one.

11 years 1 week ago
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There were once a group of guys whose last names were Lee. One guy was a fast runner so the people in the village called him QUickly. Another guy was very powerful so they called him Strongly. The next guy was very smart so they called him intelligently . The fourth guy didn't do anything so they called him Lazily. This way since all the people's name was Lee it was easy to identify who was who. And the last name Hu is a different story altogether.  

Nessquick:

Ou Shit. how many hrs it take for you ? 

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11 years 7 weeks ago

There are cookies, bookies and too many rookies for me to sit here trying to be a hooky! Looky Looky don't call me a wooky. Touchy Touchy Feely Feely Spicy Spicy Nicey Nicey & that's what the doctor Ordered!!

 
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There was only one seat on the bus, so she told her boyfriend to sit down and sat on his lap. Her skirt crawled up and his zipper went down, and a few minutes later she said, I'm so glad our roads are that bad.

andy74rc:

Ok, now can you please add the part where the chinese gets into the story?

11 years 7 weeks ago
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Vyborg:

Read the original question again. It was not a request for jokes about the Chinese. Besides, a crowded bus and bad roads... it's not rocket science, eh?

11 years 7 weeks ago
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STEVENXU:

Highlight is orgasms, what a bumpy ride? as made the girls so happy!!!!

  •  

11 years 7 weeks ago
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Red_Fox:

You got it right. A good Chinese joke is not a joke about the Chinese. I know a million of the latter, but they are offensive for the most part. I would gladly hear more jokes told by Chinese to other Chinese. Thumbs up.

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Hulk.

Traveler:

That's a bad joke.

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Shifu

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A Chinese guy and a Jewish guy were sitting at a bar, drinking. After a few drinks, the Jewish guy punches the Chinese guy. Chinese guy asks, "What was that for?"

Jewish guy says, "That... was for Pearl Harbor." 

Chinese guy says, "That was the Japanese."

Jewish guy says, "Eh... Japanese... Chinese... whatever."

After another drink, the Chinese guy punches the Jewish guy.
Jewish guy asks, "What was that for?"

Chinese guy says, "That was for the Titanic."

Jewish guy says, "Titanic? That was an iceberg."
Chinese guy replies, "Eh... Iceberg... Goldberg... whatever."

Traveler:

The Chinese guy must have had 30 friends with him, to be brave enough to punch someone.

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Q: What happens when a Mexican and an China man make a baby?
A: A car thief who can't actually drive is born.

 

Q: Did you hear about the new American Express Card they are issuing in Red China?
A: You never leave home.

 


Q: How do you know if an Chinaman robbed your house?
A: Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the little f**ker is still trying to back out of your driveway.

 

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either." The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled...

"SUPPLIES!!"

 

diverdude1:

 wink

roflmao

11 years 7 weeks ago
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Shifu

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Have you ever tried to play the Chinese version of the board game, "Guess who?"

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Shifu

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Most Chinese jokes are difficult to translate without explanation as they are funny becasue of word-play. For example the joke where the teachers asks a student (da sui tong) to come to his office and all the students bring him a bucket of water (da shui tong).

 

If you can understand Chinese then the jokes can be really funny!

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11 years 1 week ago
 
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  The only jokes i've heard so far have been really tame. I like dark humour. Chinese humour is kind of vanilla.

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A favourite of tour guides across China I think. Be warned it isn't particularly funny. Though the repetitiveness with which it is heard in every place outside if guangdong is kind of funny. 

 

An Alien lands in China and representatives from Shanghai, Beijing and Guangzhou come to meet him. The Shanghai guys ask questions like "what is your currency?" "What do you need, how can we trade with you?". The Bejingers ask questions like "What kind of music do you have? Who are your famous artists and writers?" and the guys from Guangzhou take one look at him, pick him up, throw him in a bowl of boiling soup and after eating him look at one another and say 'delicious'. 

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Shifu

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I just had my joke about Chinese people deleted as a duplicate.

Oh the irony...

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China !

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11 years 1 week ago
 
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