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Q: Does your Chinese girl friend try to control you ?
I met a English speaking Shanghai girl and showed her around a little, actually on my way home, nope didn't poke her. I told my girl friend and then we went to dinner. later when she was going home, she looked at me and told me to get in my apartment and stay there, HMMm I thought jealous and controlling. I wonder how much she tries to control me and I'm too dumb to notice. I bought a scooter, drove it a day and she had it the next week. l haven't had it for last 2 weeks. My cross street has beauty parlours going both directions. You'd think she wouldn't want me walking around.( think she knows?)
How much scheming does your girl friend do? another BS post , gimme -
12 years 27 weeks ago in Relationships - China
What are you talking about? Of course she doesn't...oh wait, I don't have one. My bad.
Interestingly enough, my wife's mother makes attempts to get my wife to educate, control, direct, groom, style, blah, blah, blah...me. It really doesn't take though. It's really funny when they try to get me to dress "like a man", you know, black shoes, white socks, dark pants and shirt with boring black or grey jacket. Tuck my shirt in, pull pants up to my armpits, wear the tight sweater with the little zipper up to the neck, jesus!
Well, even if this post is (as per Ted's notice) BS, lets give it a try because the subject matter is interesting, at least to me.
My GF in Ted's point is not like that, but in some others is very controlling. Let me explain, maybe she knows me and knows I do not fish around, I told her the first day I want and give exclusivity, and she knows that if I do catch her with another guy, she will not get a second chance.
So, when we are out she even points to me "interesting" females nearby, and even ask me what do I find attractive (if anything).
And on her controlling "mood", it is mostly in "pampering" her. She gets home from work and after shower likes to sit down and rest (I do think many Chinese suffer from anemia), then she starts yelling my name and asking me for things she either want or need. Sometimes I do please her, sometimes I tell her I am busy, and that sets her off.
But overall, it is not that bad, since I do have the freedom to do as I please, within the parameters of our arrangement. And for us, it does work, mainly because she does worry and takes care of me too.
TedDBayer:
Actually mine gives me crap for spending money and does all my errands, pays my bills, rent etc.
derek:
I can relate. My wife will ask for stuff that will be an arms length away. She will call out my name as she sits on the bed......pass me the tissue, pass me the water, pass me the.......whatever she wants. Drives me crazy.
My last one was more concerned about my health. She always wanted me to go to bed early, wake up early, eat 3 squares, etc. She would cook because she did not want me eating at the school cafeteria, wanted me to always dress warm. did not like it if i had more than one beer and hated that I smoked. She did not have a bad temper at all, but if I said "A" and she said "B" she would not fight me. She would just go ahead and "B". She would listen to what i had to say, but would then do her own thing.
One time, it began to rain as I was headed to work, I had left 5 minutes before. Suddenly I hear her e-bike's horn and i look and there she is, she had grabbed my umbrella, thrown on a housecoat and gotten on her bike to take it to ma AND A TOWEL so I would dry myself when I got to the classroom! Then, she took off back home without any umbrella for herself.
Man, I would really like to kick her dad. Hard..
GuilinRaf:
She belongs to a Minority group known as hui zi. They are among the Chinese Muslim groups though they do not have their own language as do the Uyghur, Mongols , etc.
Anyway, I was not Muslim so her dad had her break up and marry another guy.
MissA:
I have a couple of Hui friends; they're among the nicest girls I've ever met :)
a3625967:
I'm a Chinese , so I know that if a Chinese girl treat you like that , it means care and love. Because of different culture , we show our love in different ways .Maybe you cannot understand this
GuilinRaf:
a36259...
I am not sure I understand your comment. I was praising my previous GF, not criticizing her.
a3625967:
Oh,sorry about my bad English,I try hard to be better~ Just want to show my opinion.
I can relate to Happy with the pampering....not really controlling but wants me to do everything for her.
Always calling my name if I am not close to her...get me this...cook my some of this...rub my back...yadayada.
But now that we live together it is different. Now she tells me NO when I want to go out without her...and before she wasn't jealous but now she is getting out of control anytime I want to go out she thinks I will be with another woman.
And Ted..I can relate to the money thing too...it's ok if I buy her an IPhone but if I go to the bar and drop 500 in a night I will never her the end of it. Or even if I pay 20 kuai more for a hairdryer than I should have....but she complains if I buy her cheap wine...arrrggghh.
TedDBayer:
Do you know what wine PoutineDuFion gave his girl friend? I miss that guy, reminded me of Tom Hanks.
GuilinRaf:
Poutine?
My guess is that he was no longer able to afford enough wine to keep his girlfriend sedated, so she chopped him up into dumplings and ate him in a alcoholic rage....?
I am free to do as I please and talk to whom ever I want
My angle of a wife is not like that at all.
(help,im being held by a crazy wild eyed Chinese women in a basement )
she doesn't control me at all
(Coming dear No I was not talking to anybody honest!!!)
So to some it up I'm my own Man .
(Oh shit she is coming please don't beat me again I will be good)
There is a saying in Chinese, translated it is: "Be a lady in public, be a tiger in the home and be a whore in the bedroom."
The home is traditionally their domain. Don't mess with their domain, recognize their goddessness and you will be blessed with seeing another day. haha
In all reality, many girls read/watch WAY too many stories about princesses who men will go to any end to please. Most (of the young ones at least >28) have little dating experience and they know the tricks that girls play to get a guy they are interested in. So they hold on as tightly as they can because they know that you are a prime target for a lot of girls out there.
i think woman controls everywhere....and woman loves to control...but they only control the ppl they love(not in work)...so it is quite normal if a woman controls his man...
MissA:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not all of us are like that!!! If you need to control him to feel comfortable with him, why the hell are you together in the first place? Trust is what you need, not control!
emilychen:
because my man loves me to control him, and he feels that he is mine, he feels good. i feel good too. we have a feeling that we are together. he also controls me, but we give each other freedom also...we talk and share many things...so this kind of "control" is based on both of us love it. and we have been loving this feeling long time,hehe....
It depends, if I want to be hit or called terrible things, I have to let her control me, it's not because of love emily, this is only in China for the most part. I've never seen such display of a mix of physical and mental violence. I do see older Chinese women with more sense and wisdom to avoid this, but the younger generation needs to grow up. A typical Chinese woman between the ages of 21 through 35 has the mentality of a 16 year old girl
emilychen:
Hehe...maybe i am not that mature enough as i still love controlling(or it is just my personality !), haha...but i give freedom also. Because i also need the freedom ! Somehow complicated , one thing for sure is people say i am more mature than my age....
TedDBayer:
almost choked when i saw your name,,, don't beat me, please, only in the bedroom,
Emily, I like Chinese, and the girls, I'm just stating something you just proved, it's in the blood and nature to control. I hope that you are actually as mature as you say
I can relate. My girlfriend can be controlling at times, too. She tells when to eat and how many beers I should drink.
Bona:
If u get too drunk to remember ur own name, I wudn't consider telling u how many beers u shud take as 'controlling' u. She is only trying to make u mature & responsible. Women just can't stand some behaviour so sometimes they are only trying to make their men have some sense of self-respect. How the girls/women do that is what may be unwelcome.
Mine doesn't like my friends, no matter who they are. She assumes everyone is a bad influence on me even if she hasn't met them. Apart from that shes ok, doesn't really control me, but its annoying having to have a little argument every time i go out with friends.
xunliang:
She thinks all foreigners get together to go out and look for girls
How many girls have you dated in your life? They can all act the way you described. Also even though Chinese girls may have a stereo-type they come in all types just like westerners etc. The question you should be asking others is "is my gf trying to control me" not "is my Chinese gf trying to control me".
TedDBayer:
agree and disagree, I asked - does. The games Chinese women play are different, their thinking is different. I'm watching a woman in her 30s act like what I would expect from a teenager. While I listen to I don't know Chinese people, they must stay in bed, eat chinese food, then she should realize that I am foreign stupid devil and treat me with respect, not insults. Think for them selves, not be brain washed. I should not have to put up with stupidity and laziness, only to be told I'm impulsive because I want something done, something that sits for months. ..... women I've dated,,,, more than I can count or remember
You should have told this chick to hit the bricks... now you got PW'd
I bet you enjoy the abuse.
Does she let you even have a look at your gonads or did she drive away with them on that scooter?
TedDBayer:
Yes I enjoy abuse, I always say 'beat me, bore me, don't ignore me" still got gonads, showed them to someone else later.
