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Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: Friendship: why does age matter?
I am living with two Chinese girls and a Chinese guy, and everytime anything happens it is mentioned that I am 2/3 years younger than them.
It is really driving me crazy. In my view, once you pass... 20/21/22 it's all the same. I am not less mature because I am 26 instead of their 28-9. Why does this keep being brought up? I just honestly thought it didn't matter, and now it is continuously being used against me.
Also, how do I politely tell them this? I have tried to a few times but they won't accept it, it seems.
9 years 50 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Age seems to matter in China.
i have observed students assume an air of superiority by virtue of being 1 month older than someone else in their dorm. Also friends being annoyed by feeling forced to defer to older cousins.
and you can not be unaware of the power wielded within families by older members of families. Just look at the 'respect ' the elderly demand here
i have many friends of all ages ranging up to and over retirement age. I don't automatically defer to someone just because they are older than me.
but age does not always mean wisdom.
the obsession here about age is
1) 'traditional '
2) ridiculous
it screams insecurity to me: 'respect me not because what I say or do, just because I am older than you'
It sounds like they age playing the 'age' card when all other avenues fail, or maybe they don't try any other way to get their PoV across.
just ignore it - I would.
They are just people you happen to share with
Remember, you live in the Twilight Zone, and logic, reasoning and argumentation are not working here. Sorry...
DrMonkey:
@loser Well... I've only good memories of sons and daughter of Chinese migrants back in Europe. Same goes for Chinese who moved abroad for a while. A friend who works in Taiwan just love the people there. Out of a toxic society, Chinese people can blossom ho so brightly...
Ageing is the final caste system, even interested West.
Discussions are not held by reasonable discourse. People are taught to force their opinions via appeals to authority. Respecting elders is a deep Confucian doctrine, though even the word "seniority" suggests it isn't absent in western thought either.
As Coin said, it comes from Confucianism about respecting and abiding by one's place in the family above all else, and then society as one big family. (well, back then, it was Warring States period, so which-ever society you were in at the time).
Like standard bullying tactics, if you get bullied by someone above you, you have to get yours back by bullying someone below you. If you have to respect your parents and grand-parents and do what they say, then they sure as hell are going to make life tougher on anyone they deem will be a viable target - anyone younger than them.
TIC - if logic, and trying to assert the respect you feel you deserve, then start excluding them based on age! (or, something else equally ridiculous...) Obviously, this needs to be done very openly and in their face - explaining the 'logic' behind it (ie, the same as theirs... none).
you may try 'freeze' the respect to them. Stop talk with them unless they talk to you. Don't act actively unless they take actions. But do what you think is right in a strong way. When something happen again, you can tit for tat! They will surely stop using that again and will pull you up to their age level , or higher.
It only bothers you because on some level you must believe it. If they called you a moldy hippo ten times a day it wouldn't bother you in the least, no matter how much they seemed to believe it themselves, you'd still just laugh and think them idiots.
mengxing:
No... That's not what I said. I said they are bringing it up, and using it against me, not that it is inherently a problem. The issue lies in how they treat me because of my age. Like saying 'you're a moldy hippo and therefore I will treat you like shit because you are a moldy hippo', not like just repeatedly calling me that.
mArtiAn:
Ok, well now you're describing a hostile environment. What can I say? Don 't put up with it, tell them to go f*** themselves. Chin the bloke and leave.
Strange double post computer glitch Gremilns at work. Please to excuse.
Don't worry, is just an ego thing, maybe manipulation, controlling, domination thing they have going on. This often gives them a feel good factor a feeling of high statues. Some people need this so feed of others. Regardless your intellectual or conversational ability they just seek to suppress you. This will and does unfortunately leave you feeling isolated or worse still an outsider your views and input worthless or not worthy of acknowledgement. It is as many here speak a ridiculous obsession 'I'm older so I know better, attitude, what tosh. We are all worthy of having our say and input, especially if you are paying your way. Personally if attitudes did not change toward you I would consider looking too others who would a least acknowledge and respect you. People can only make you feel less worthy, if you allow them. If on occasion you have attempted to voice your concerns and they still continue to ignore your plea, then it is unfortunate they will continue to do so. You alone have the choice to stay in a situation which is making you feel uncomfortable, or you can change it by moving on. Many people in life have bosses, managers, supervisors much younger than them. Respect yourself even if others won't.
You might wanna point out that "older and wiser" doesn't apply to people who have spent the last 3 years looking at wechat, thus only grown older but not wiser.
I've seen that a lot here. Usually it's an older member of staff who is barely capable, not too bright, has no original ideas, probably got the job through family connections and is obviously resentful of the younger, more capable go getter in the office so they bully them and talk down to them as if they are inferior.
If I were you, I would just simply do the "white superiority race" game on them. Albeit , you are in China, just speak English and seriously speak to them in slang to scare them off .
Just because you live in China doesn't mean you have to forget what morals/values you grew up with. Not only that, they are made to NOT effectively communicate any logic , common sense with you although you may be in the right . Unless you flash some type of bullshit expensive useless bling bling at them , they may then consider listening to you even for a minute. I can always lend you my iphone 6, I do have several of them or you can borrow my BMWX6 at any time
Just ignore their whiny crying baby games!! You're not in the wrong!
mengxing:
I would never play the 'white superiority' card --- who even does that?!
Also, how do I politely tell them this? I have tried to a few times but they won't accept it, it seems.
,Give up on that one. You cannot reason with box thinkers - and the Chinese are the ultimate box thinkers. Cold water is bad for you. ducks heads and chicken feet are "delicious", you should wear more clothes, Chinese food is fresh and healthy .........
We should all bow to the superior minds!
are you paying the same amount in bills/rent?
next time they mention it... remind them your are paying as an equal and should be treated so...