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Posts: 110

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Q: To those dating Chinese: do you feel the noose of marriage around your neck?

An honest question to those working in China, dating Chinese and with no intention of remaining in China long term.

12 years 45 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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I keep reading about 3 dates and you're engaged to a Chinese woman. I did not find this. My GF keeps asking why I don't marry at home. And the 3 date rule, does it apply to hookers also?
At home we have another 3 date rule.
 I find most of what I read about China to be just fantasy.

Xpat.John:

The hooker 3 date rule only applies to Thai hookers. :) Ummm... Not that I know that, or anything.

12 years 45 weeks ago
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12 years 45 weeks ago
 
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Most girls here are very, very serious about marriage.  If you date one more than 3 times, she is already naming your future children.

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12 years 45 weeks ago
 
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I would recomend that you make it very clear from the get go that you do not plan on remaining in China nor marrying said lady.  That way misunderstandings can be avoided.

Cong:

what if you don't rule out marriage? you can't know instantly at the start of a relationship whether or not you're going to love someone enough to marry them.

12 years 45 weeks ago
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GuilinRaf:

Cong: Very true. One never knows when that naughty little cherub with the magic arrows will strike!

12 years 45 weeks ago
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12 years 45 weeks ago
 
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What GuilinRaf said, but instead of "do not plan on", rephrase to "I'm not looking to...". It gives the possibility of staying around, and maybe meeting the right person. But, TBH, I'd suggest the stronger version - otherwise she'll be thinking "I could still be the one to make him change his mind".

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12 years 45 weeks ago
 
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I keep reading about 3 dates and you're engaged to a Chinese woman. I did not find this. My GF keeps asking why I don't marry at home. And the 3 date rule, does it apply to hookers also?
At home we have another 3 date rule.
 I find most of what I read about China to be just fantasy.

Xpat.John:

The hooker 3 date rule only applies to Thai hookers. :) Ummm... Not that I know that, or anything.

12 years 45 weeks ago
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12 years 45 weeks ago
 
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Answer of the DayMORE >>
A: No, it's not allowed to work under RP at 2nd job! I'd say, Z visa
A:No, it's not allowed to work under RP at 2nd job! I'd say, Z visa/RP sponsor can have an objections to your part-time job. I did the same at my English teaching in China and elsewhere, butT ... I casually mentioned at my prime job, some kindergarten or another school asked me to work with them part-time. Then, my Q: "Is that permitted?" ...  Answer from RP sponsor was always "Yes, but you can't be late or miss the classes at our school ..." with my reply: "No, our work schedule has a priority, and I'll arrange classes at kindergarten only in my free time." When I cleared that, I was undertaking any extra teaching hours at other schools and private students in my free time.Sometimes, teachers at my prime job asked me if I'm willing to have some extra classes elsewhere.I accepted after the talk with School's principal. I suggest, you test the felling at your Z/RP sponsor and once you see they don't object, you can work at 2nd job. Keeping your 2nd job as a secret from your employer won't work, 'cause you're laowai and Chinese know exactly what you do in your free time. However, despite your employer's agreement for extra work, you are still in violation of Chinese Labour law, and even if your sponsor agrees to your extra work, you can still get in trouble, because it's clearly written (somewhere ... ) that under Z/WP, one can work only at the Z-sponsor and nowhere else. Penalties ... I'd say, there won't be any warnings and you'll be required to exit China in short Exit time.It never happened to me, so I can't really advice how is when manure hits the fan ...  -- icnif77