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Q: What is the best and least hurtful way to break up with a Chinese GF?
We've been together for 9 months (an exclusive relationship) and we get along fine. The problem is she keeps spending more and more time at my place (maybe 3-4 days of every week) and never once does she offer to help clean, do dishes, laundry etc. No, she is not Shanghai ren - just lazy I suppose. But I could never spend my life with someone like this. I want to save the friendship and don't want to hurt her. She is 23 and me 32. Is there a right way to break up with her?
11 years 38 weeks ago in Relationships - China
You are unwilling to discuss your relationship problems, that's what you need to do. Does she know you think she is not making any effort in any mess she leaves?
You are just as lazy as her wanting an easy exit.
The 'King of Hearts' asking how not to break someone's heart.
Complete honesty is always best. Tell her how you feel about her not cleaning, etc., and see how she responds.
Or ask her to help out around the house and if she refuses then have a serious talk with her about it. If you want to jump straight to the breakup it looks like you don't really like her. But whatever, do what you're going to do. Just tell her you don't think your personalities match and that's why you're ending it.
Just tell her the truth like you have said here.
"Honey, I do not wish to continue our relationship with you because you do not do my housework, you dont cook, clean, tidy up the place, nor do you do my laundry nor do you iron it.. You dont do the dishes nor do you dry them and put them away".
Yes, it sounds very shallow (it is!) but, since y our reasons for breaking up with her are indeed shallow, you will ultimately be doing her a favor by helping her realize that she can do better.
OR
Instead of breaking up, continue the relationship. Whenever you do any bit of housework (if you do) why not ASK her to give you a hand? After all, you yourself say that you get along fine. Unless of course, this is just an excuse to break up with her.
Break up with your gf just cas of this is very silly,man.She's only 23,you could tell her,she might be not mature.
It is a little depressing that Chinese girls aren't mature enough to handle a bit of housework at 23, but I guess when your mom and grandparents do everything for you most of your life, you aren't forced to learn anything for yourself.
But seriously, just talk to the girl about it. That is a superlame reason to break up with someone. I have some Chinese girlfriends who live alone and never clean anything, then wonder why their house is infested with cockroaches. They're great girls, but they never figured out the housework thing.
Painless for whom, you or her? At the beginning of my relationship, I did notice the same thing happening. My GF would not do one thing at my place. Then I realized that when at her place, she would ask me to do a few things (and I did).
So, next time at my place, we had a long chat, and one of the things I mentioned was that when at my place, she acted like I was her servant. She explained to me that she was aware of different customs and styles with foreigners, and she did not wanted to do anything to upset me, making me think that she felt my place was dirty if she cleaned it. So, we agreed to do many things together, and made no difference the how, but the end result was the important thing. Today she never ask permission, or waits to be requested to do a chore, she just does it as she sees them. There was no reason to break a relationship, just misunderstandings......
OH man,you made me laugh,thanks for that.LOL
What....you want to break up with your gf because she does not do the housework,That's lame,You got a mouth to talk,why don't you just talk to her and tell her your idea,If she's not trying to make any effort.Time to break up with her then.
If you just want to break up with her now and don't give her a chance to improve,You are as lazy as her,you are no different.Sorry
Good luck.
I actually don't see a problem. If anyone comes to my home I do not expect them to cook or clean. They are my guest. If they want to help fine. Cleaning doesn't take long and I like cooking. I can't take a chance on women cooking for me I get carbon. I know its a major food group, I just don't like it.
You could just, you know, talk with her, point out that since you're spending so much time together, then it's time to consider some division of labour...
