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Q: What's the worst parenting you've witnessed in China?
We have all seen the children sh!tting and pissing in the streets and stores. We have all seen those spoiled little angels not caring about their actions and their parents ignoring them with ignorance. But any interesting stories that really stand out?
A lady in my building brought home her new baby girl maybe 5 months ago. Yesterday, the baby was crying up a storm. What did the mother do? Screamed at her, yelling "shut up, shut up! I'm busy!" I heard all this through my floor. Then, when I left later on to go Christmas shopping, the baby was in a little carrying thing, by herself, in the hallway with the door cracked... Now, I'm not a parent, and I am probably in no position to offer parenting advice, but I'm pretty sure there was a better way to handle this situation...
Our neighbor does the same. If the kid is upset, it get yelled at. They also employ the "shutting the child outside", and the grandmother even one day herself was sitting in the hallway.
You can't catch bees with vinegar. I am not sure why anyone would want to catch bees though. The problem for the Chinese parents vs. our western superstar parents who does everything perfectly, is that they simply don't have any insight into the human psyche. The last couple of parents to newborns or parents to be I've met, they are so focused on problems like food safety etc. the concept of "mental safety" never enters the picture.
We've had that some neighbor for 3 years, the kid is about 5 now. Every morning there is screaming from the apartment, his mother leaves at about 7:30 and after that you can hear "ma ma" being screamed over and over. The household consists of the kid, the mother, the grandmother and some dude that once in a while comes past and chain-smokes (they leave the door to the hallway open during the smoking sessions)
I am not saying they are bad people, they are just very ignorant.
dom87:
how is that not makes them bad?
influence the mentality of the kid in a bad way - check
hurting the kid - check
threaten the kid - check
leave the kid alone - check
dont care about the health - check
anything i forgot?
Scandinavian:
you forgot they are just following the norm in the society, they don't know better. It's not "bad people" it is "bad society"
A friend of mine, Chinese, was starting her PhD in Singapore. Quick visit to the parents and the husband in China... pregnant. She spent most of the 9 months of pregnancy alone in Singapore, toiling on her PhD. She was feeling terrible. Me, the random foreign visitor, was listening to her more than her own familly. My friend gave birth, and bring the baby to her parents. Then, she saw her baby 2 times in 3 years. This kid is now 7 years old, have terrible anger management issues (grand parents allow everything), is a stranger to his own parents and deep inside is starving for love and attention. Won't listen to anybody, because, well, grew up without the notion of limits. Lots of money poured in night classes for activities he hates with a passion. So young and already a wreck.
General remarks on kid's rearing in China
* No discipline enforcement whatsoever. Everything is forgiven. If a kid does some mischief, don't say a thing, or the kid would cry. No teaching of limits, no learning of boundaries. I believe it explains a lot the inability to follow simple rules in China, like "walk on the walkway", "drive on the right lane", etc. It does not mean one should beat a child, a worded reprimand, a strong tone, making the big eyes does 90% of the job.
* When a baby sleep, whenever he/she cries a bit, the mom or grand-ma rush to the baby. Thus, the baby never learn to sleep through the night until very late. Where I come from, a baby two months old is expected to sleep through the night without a fuss. To achieve this, the "secret" is not too rush to the baby before 10 minutes when they start to cry. Is to accustom them early to be alone. The net result is good nights for everybody, greater quality of life.
I find Chinese parenting about as good as I find it anywhere else. Having said that I did have one of my 8 year old students sent to class with a flask of coffee the other day. Hmmm.
Paulberger:
one, why is an 8 year old drinking coffee? two, why does an 8 year old own a flask? three, who puts coffee in a flask? you sure it wasn't something different?!?
mArtiAn:
Oh no, it was coffee alright, no doubt about it. Strong coffee too, it stunk the room out. I think it was simply ignorance on his mother's part, but then parents shouldn't be allowed the luxury of ignorance when raising their kids.
Robk:
Actually, I have seen this quite often.
You know why they do it? Because they put so much damn pressure on the kids with school work, before school and after school activities, homework... god knows what else that the kid is sleep deprived...
So the ignorant parents (a society not enlightened on the effects of caffeine on children), just think it helps keep him awake like a miracle drug.
Messed up I know, but that's the "win at all costs" mentality here...
Ummm... parenting?
You mean those old people chasing around those little bastards?
Now that I am a parent here in China I am glad to see others of you see the same lame attempts at parenting I have witnessed during my 8 years here.
Maybe not the worst but it stuck with me. Parents and grandparents circled around an about 6 year old kid clapping and laughing while the kid has a tiny bird on a string. Kicking it and slamming in on the ground as it tries to fly away. When i grabbed the bird. Cut the string and help it with the kid trying to explain to help animals not hurt them and let it fly away the parents didnt say anything . Just looked at me like a devil. I told them they were stupid farmers that should go back to their village and die.
Paulberger:
i think you were to lenient on them... that just pisses me off..
Robk:
Ni men dou shi sha nong ming! Hui jia ran hou jiu si ba!
I think that is about right. That would be hilarious to have been you say that.
Vyborg:
Well done Mike. Your story reminded me of a late afternoon on the beach in Dalian last summer. I saw people pack their stuff and that included small buckets with crabs, starfish, snails etc in some seawater. I asked, what will you do with those? They would be taken home, was the answer. But they'll all die! I said. Doesn't matter, there are so many of them. But there's so many of you, too, I said. Don't worry, they told me, there are enough of them. But they live here, and you're going home and the next busload of tourists will do exactly the same thing tomorrow, I said. Well I was wasting my breath. They don't even consider them 'animals'. Seafood is a different category, hardly a form of life in their view.
I'm gonna be honest. I don't know chinese people's idea on kids. They always pressure and are never satisfied, deprave them of a childhood worth mentioning. Beggars carry around children that aren't theirs. I seen a begger with a kid I'm sure was at least Indian or something based on complexion and it had me wondering where she and the mafia got it from. But that and with the school massacres, rapings, etc that happens here, I think they hate kids here. I've never spotted a daycare with rainbows like I seen backhome. Imagine starting a daycare here. Put these grandparents outta work. All they do is let these kids create mayhem
