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Q: I'm such a dick...
I jumped a guy's shit tonight for doing the 'wave hand in your face' thing. Most of the time in MK I can chill and tell myself I'm around peeps who don't know/play by Western ways, and let whatever pass. But two things that get my goat, the yelling, and the waving hand in your face. It was all I could do not to deck this guy this evening. But actually I seen he was mild-mannered, weak? am I using the right term? You know what I mean though,, he has never been ugly confrontational like a dickhead like me who is used to Mexico. That's why I changed my tune real quick and backed-off. I guess what I am asking here is, do u ever flare up at chiner guys? do u think they deserve it? Should it be allowed to escalate into 'throwing down' ?
Comments, observances welcome.
I over-reacted once when an idiot screamed hollo right in my face. I could smell the stinking garlic / cigarette/ rotten teeth breath and he disgusted and startled me when I was walking and feeling mellow, so I called him a f***** c*** and gave him the finger. I didn't mean to react that way, it just happened. A couple of guys - think they were his mates started pushing me around and abusing me and I was seeing red by this time and was pushing back just as aggressively.
I walked away from it before anyone threw a punch and I'm glad I did because I was ready to kill (probably not literally) at that point and I'm sure there was a local mob getting ready to jump me too.
I felt awful about it almost as soon as I got around the corner, the dumb peasant probably thought he was being funny and friendly in his own way and he just chose a bad time to get in my personal space and violate it, almost any other time I would have just ignored him.
Try to learn from it so next time you don't go off the deep end is all you can do.
Mild mannered and weak don't mean similar things, so no, you didn't use the right term.
diverdude1:
True. With time to think about it now, I meant that he came across as both which is why I changed my behavior so fast. I noticed he was physically weak, maybe to the point of having been ill as a child,,,, not infirm or whatever, just bean-pole skinny and gave a vibe as unhealthy. Then from very little interaction with him I seen that he was quite mild-mannered, which further lead to me backing off. On reflection I'm really glad I backed-off, the guy's hand wave in my face was not done with malice, I'm sure of that now.
This is the classic pebble in the lake scenario. The ripples spread out. The origin of your pented up stress is some place, someone else, he is in the path of the ripples and gets hit. If you trace the origin of your frustration you find another origin, ie this is a chain reaction.
To avoid getting caught up in the current the best way is to be aware of the environment you are in. This is akin to a good diver monitoring the ocean currents as he swims among them. And this you did, backing off in time too. Didn't you have a similar incident awhile ago? Getting better at this. Good job!
you cannot do much here...
once you do something, there are only 2 scenarios:
1. some other mofo nationalists join and its 10vs1
2. you end up paying compensation and might leave china for hurting china face
diverdude1:
yeah,, I've seen them more than once gang up on a dude. Idea of 1 on 1 rumble didn't seem to catch on here.
I over-reacted once when an idiot screamed hollo right in my face. I could smell the stinking garlic / cigarette/ rotten teeth breath and he disgusted and startled me when I was walking and feeling mellow, so I called him a f***** c*** and gave him the finger. I didn't mean to react that way, it just happened. A couple of guys - think they were his mates started pushing me around and abusing me and I was seeing red by this time and was pushing back just as aggressively.
I walked away from it before anyone threw a punch and I'm glad I did because I was ready to kill (probably not literally) at that point and I'm sure there was a local mob getting ready to jump me too.
I felt awful about it almost as soon as I got around the corner, the dumb peasant probably thought he was being funny and friendly in his own way and he just chose a bad time to get in my personal space and violate it, almost any other time I would have just ignored him.
Try to learn from it so next time you don't go off the deep end is all you can do.
They do these things to piss you off, because of their own insecurities towards foreign men, if you get angry then they win.
You can be very extrovert and act like a complete dick but in a friendly way, they hate it. Be louder and more obnoxious than them and they will leave you alone. They won't risk a confrontation if they are not in total control of the situation.
For the Chinese, public attention is a double edged sword, they use public approval to raise themselves up but fear public eyes that judge them and make them lose face.
If you are the loudest, most cocky and obnoxious one, you appear to be the dominant one in the eyes of bystanders, hence you win any verbal and social confrontation with a Chinese.
Their only way to reverse the situation would be to go physical, but they are too coward to do so.
You have stood up and owned your behavior, even when it is negative.
reflection, acknowledgement of being wrong and change show a degree of growth (however small) that is lacking in so many (Chinese) people.
"They do these things to piss you off, because of their own insecurities towards foreign men, if you get angry then they win."
Amen , sb who gets Chinese culture, have you ever yelled at sb and got a laugh in response? That's proof of what Randomguy said, my wife also tells me this.
You're not a dick because Chinese would tell you that behaviour (he did) was rude
RandomGuy:
Yeah, what I mean is, they wave their hand in your face? Put your arm around their neck in response and be the friendly yet obnoxious chatty dude that no one likes, that will make them feel super uncomfortable.
They say "HALOU" be like "Hey what's up bro, long time no see, how have you been, the wife, the kids, etc..." talk about random shit with a friendly smile and don't stop, don't give them the time to answer.
They will keep repeating tingbudong with a nervous voice when you go forth and they lose control of the situation, that's their way of getting out of it. You don't care, if you have time to waste, keep wasting theirs.
Make them feel horribly uncomfortable about everything, be loud and joyful about it while they look miserable and lost, you control the situation, act like they are your best chap or something like that.
Don't be aggressive and no one will intervene. Don't let them look around for other people, have them look at you, you are in control and be very very close to them, laugh and talk into their face, literally.
Like i said, the only way for them to get out of it is to become aggressive and to push you away or something. If they come to this, you will and they lose in the eyes of bystanders, therefore you win everything.
Anger and frustration is just human nature. When you are surrounded by such differences in culture and philosophies, pressure builds. Too often, westerners just need a pressure valve to express that we are not Chinese and it gets tiresome at times being among millions of people who act and think differently than we do. I have lost my cool many of a times. I have not gotten to the point of throwing a fist as that is not part of who I am. But, i have been very vocal, made a scene, and threw a temper tantrum. Usually, after the incident, I look back on it and realize that it was mostly my fault. They were doing what comes naturally to them. Sometimes I forget that i am a guest in a foreign land and they should never be expected to hold the same values and cultural standards as I have. That is not to say that I have to try to be Chinese either. But, when it gets to be too much, I need to learn to walk away and let time heal the pressure.
RandomGuy:
I would say that your comment is half true. I agree that people should put effort to understand and adapt to the local culture and habits and way of doing things (something that countless Chinese in the West refuse to do BTW, but it's another topic).
However, there is a fine line between culture and racism (call it xenophobia) that shall not be crossed by any culture. When a Chinese deliberately uses his local dialect to ensure that you can't understand then says openly racist statements behind your back out loud (we can't understand the worlds but we understand the flow and tone of the language), it's not you who have to change, it's him, forcibly if necessary.
And do not pretend that Chinese don't understand racism, they do, they are the firsts to scream out racism recently around the world to have it their own way.
yeah, I have read carefully and heard all what you guys are saying, and I agree with it 90+%,,, we are all talking the 'Kumbaya, we r guests, different culture' stuff. Ok,, that was fun in it's on way and probably useful to cats who are new to living abroad,,, but let's try to steer the topic elsewhere,,, haha,,, forget the kumbaya shit and tell us about what pisses u off and what you Wish you could do about it!
diverdude1:
I'll start,, not many things here piss me off, last time I counted it was only 1,782,643 things,,,,, but right up towards the top is when fuckface doesn't want to try and hear u, answer u, understand you,,,, he waves his hand in your face! shit boy,, gonna catch me wrong time, wrong place, couple of pi jiu in gut and I are gonna Snap!
How about u? U got a pet peeve in Chiner Land ? 
Englteachted:
I'd like to bring mainlanders to Texas, they'll learn or get shot
diverdude1:
haha, me too ! can u imagine these guys trying to walk around , let's say, Matamoros,, haha,, funny days,, they'd prolly get jumped muy rapido... unless hombres just decided they were idiots and leave them alone. funny to watch/analyse anyway.
haha, wave your hand in some mexican dude's face,,, lol,, chances are it might be the last thing u do.
What pisses me off? Well plenty but if I started writing about them all I'd still be here next week.
Vicki's recent thread about her boss not paying her reminded me of something that has always disgusted me about China.
Companies, bosses,anyone in power actually gets away with treating their workers like shit and the system backs them up and helps them do it.
You see the bigger incidents they aren't able to cover up in the news a lot around Chinese New Year time. Some migrant workers at a factory or building site or whatever want their money because they haven't been paid for the last eleven months and the management just gives them bullshit excuses or won't even talk to them. The poor bastards just want to be able to take the money they earned home to their families for New Year so in desperation they protest and hold up signs. And that's when the local police come in with riot gear and smash them up with batons and take away the ringleaders for more of the special treatment before charging them with disturbing the harmony.
It's supposed to be illegal in the workers paradise, you can read in the media how word has come down from the top that they can't keep doing that shit but nothing seems to change. It's usually the poor workers who get blamed for making the scene and never the corrupt vermin who steal their wages or send in the thugs to bully them into submission.
Every time a Chinese friend complains to me about how they're not being paid on time, or are being forced to perform in some stupid work party/concert to give their managers face and then have to work unpaid on their day off to makeup for the time lost having the party, or being bullied by some little weasel of a man who was given his job through guanxi I just wish I could walk into the office and force someone's head down a squatter toilet but then that would only make it harder for the Chinese staff and probably get me arrested.
Englteachted:
And the workers sadly respond by stabbing a bunch of kids, setting a bus on fire, or some other shit
