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Sign up with Google Sign up with FacebookQ: What would be the problems about dating an American guy?
About dating an American guy, the first thing i guess it would be splitting the bill:food,tour bill... some others ?
10 years 21 weeks ago in Relationships - China
That's not really a problem. Splitting costs (or not) depends mostly on the individual american. PM me for more info.
Query - how different are American guys to, say, Canadian guys? Or English guys? Or Aussie guys? Or French, or Italian, or....????
There would be many many problems dating a western man. Everyone is different so any points may not apply to whoever you find. But here are some anyways.
The going AA for dinner is overblown. The man will usually pay but you should offer sometimes and he will generally refuse. So every once in a while you make the plan. Tell him your taking him.for dinner. Guys dont need 50/50 just a little bit of effort and care.
Dating isnt an issue but if it gets serious there are many problems.
Be prepared to never buy a house. Some laowai can and do but the majority wont. They will say its stupid, while this is true , its also an excuse because they cant buy. His parents wont help him and banks are useless, so for many its a non starter.
Your dreams of prada and gucci are over. Sure, you say you dont care but every girl wants something nice. But spending a full month or two of a teachers salary for a bag is dumb.
You wont have a car and if you do its a qq or such. Again some have cars 99% are Chinese brand.
Hes not giving your parents shit. We dont give our parents, in western countries parents are usually self sufficient so the idea of monthly allowances to mom and dad is strange. You can expect small tokens, and these will be very small in your eyes but large enough in his. Its a cultural thing.
You will nevet ever get rich. The ceiling for teachers is low. Salaries are stagnant so what you have now is pretty much what your stuck with no matter how much they are in self denial. Again people dont kill me , this isnt an attack, this is generalizing. Im not talking about YOU just everyone else. Feel better?
Now the good.
Your bf or husband will listen to you and care about you. You will have an opinion. Hes not going to be with you if he doesnt like and respect you.
He will be far more loyal than a chinese man. He generally wont ever cheat, but hell leave you if your not happy, so you do your part to make him happy.
Youll travel alot more than you ever dreamed. Sometimes money doesnt allow it but id be surprised if a guy in china doesnt have the travelling gene.
You dont need to sacrifice your now for the future. You wont be saving a tonne of money. But you will probably enjoy.your life alot more on a day to day basis. Small pleasures will happen often.
Lastly and most importantly. You will finally experience real love.
MissA:
She never said he's a teacher, in fairness. And not all American guys are neccessarily looking for love or even good guys - I briefly dated an American guy who was a real tool and I hope the OPs dude is better than that guy. But otherwise, good advice.
Splitting the bill? Is that really a problem?
Here are some actual problems:
1. The girl's parents
2. Unreliable men
3. Either party not being straightforward about their expectations
Is the man just hoping for a holiday fling? Does the girl perceive "dating" to mean "a precursor to marriage, children and enslavement"?
Honesty in communication (while not being Chinese people's strong suit) is extraordinarily important in relationships, from the start. There will be a lot less drama and extortion attempts later if both people are honest now about what they are after.
American men tend to actually be pretty generous compared to Europeans when it comes to paying the bill (I'm generalising and speaking from mine and friend's experiences, don't get mad) but really won't respond well if you expect it from them: they will probably feel used or like you're with them for the wrong reasons.
The main problem you would find would be defining the relationship. You can't assume that just because you're having sex with an American man that he is your boyfriend, or that you're exclusive. There are different stages for relationships in Western countries and you need to have a conversation about your expectations and what you want, and tell him clearly.
You can't sajiao, or expect an american guy to respond well to it...
If you've met someone you like then go for it, just understand that while he will make some sacrifices to adapt to your culture, you also have to make some changes to fit his as well
Spiderboenz:
I had a girl go saijiao on me TO INCLUDE CLIMBING IBTO MY (7TH story)WINDOW TO JUMP OUT because I had the nerve to disagree with her about my roommate being a freak for eating cereal in his pajamas at 3pm in our kitchen on his day off. I told her to jump, called her bluff. She climbed out of the window.
if you are not willing to split the bill with a guy, than you do not really love him. maybe you should just move on.
sevenyan:
What ? i thought not sharing the bill shows i don't want to take advantage of him.
It's not only for American, it would be the same for many other nationalities
1) Try sajio, he will just go and let you sajio alone, after a few sajio episodes
2) He won't believe that the world will end and the sky will fall if he does not buy a home/car soon
3) He might not want to marry soon, but rather take time to build the relationship, having a plan that work for together, and see how it goes for a couple of years.
4) Whatever you ask from him, he will except it from you too. Say, if you ask for sacrifices in the name of your parents, he might feel that it is fair for you to do the same level of sacrifice for his parents. Just an example, that would the same for many things.
5) Staying in China for the rest of his days might be a thing he really, really, really does not want at all
sevenyan:
That sounds like dating an American will be an tough issue! And so unstable!
I don't think paying for the bill is your issue. If you're serious about this guy, you should be looking for mental and physical compatibility as well as basically similar life goals and values. That's never easy to achieve, never mind where he's from.
Hulk:
Perfect!
However, what do you mean by "physical compatibility"? Do you mean his schlong has to be big enough?
I don't think paying for the bill is your issue. If you're serious about this guy, you should be looking for mental and physical compatibility as well as basically similar life goals and values. That's never easy to achieve, never mind where he's from.
Shining_brow:
Why does this one only get 3 thumbs-up, but the other one gets 10??
You have to listen this hundred times a day,' I am a yank and I am right'. Except that there is no apparent problem you have to face.
All american guys are tools think they know everything. and canadians are not real polite at all
Robk:
We are polite to those that deserve it.
If encountering you, who would be polite?
You are the douche of the forums currently.
What you mentioned should not be an issue If you are an independent girl.
Problems you should really concern about are:
- Do you guys have a lot in common?
- Same life goals
- Moral values
You guys will eventually face the culture problems which takes both of you to work on it.
When my husband(he's a westerner) and I were dating, we shared the bills and it works as I don't like to rely on him.
We are pretty much alike in the big things, like life goals, moral values, upbringing and we have a lot in common. At some point,we are different, he takes his time, too much time sometimes and I am the opposite, we have been trying to get the best balance and it works well.
Good luck.
sevenyan:
Thank you Maggiegirly! Yeah, I really don't want to rely on him financially. And we do have something in common,such as character thing. But like you said we still have a lot of culture thing to face and work on it .ah,headache!
You have to find out whether or not he's just with you for access to your pleasure canal( s ).
You have to find out whether or not he wants to get married in the future. Don't waste your time with someone who doesn't want marriage.
You have to find out whether or not he wants kids. Don't waste your time.
You need to know whether or not your personalities are compatible. Are you a nagging bitch? Then he'll get sick of you eventually. Is he a nagging bitch? Then you'll get sick of him eventually.
Guys generally don't like girls who nag at them constantly, disagree with everything they say, and try to fight them on everything. Fuck living like that. My exes did that, and that's precisely WHY they're exes. The majority of Chinese women I've met (aside from a few), turned out to be nagging bitches. NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG
Shining_brow:
You're presuming an aweful lot about her.... *(just sayin'!)
sevenyan:
Sounds painful,but really helpful. lucky,i myself hate being a nagging person too.
Wait, what? A Tour Bill for dating an American guy? Are you trying to charge him a "tour fee"? Or are you just saying that when you go on a tour together, you should split the bill?
It seems your primary worry is money. I can't stand when women make money their primary focus. What is it with Chinese people putting money before everything else?
sevenyan:
i don't want to make him feel unconmortable about the money thing. So i said we can split the bill:food,taxi,tour.
I can’t imagine dating an American is much different than other foreigners. Aside from our ruggedly handsome faces and our charming down to earth personalities we are all the same right?
they usually pay, they are pretty laid back and easy to get along with, just be yourself and good luck!
In general, American guys are pretty chilled out however there is that one thing that is annoying.....you MUST accept that America is the greatest country ever and nothing here (or anywhere for that matter) will compare to it. They will deconstruct China/Chinese culture and tell you how to fix it. Often ad nauseum. Other than that, it's all good.
MissA and Maggie, as well as many of the guys have already given you a lot of good advice.
I would suggest you don't base you ideas about Americans or any foreigner from what you might have seen on American TV - that is entertainment, this is real life.
Depending on where you live, the big problem will be what other Chinese say to and about you while you're out dating your American guy. I'm an American living in a sub 4th tier city, and she lives nearby in the adjacent 2.5 tier city. When I'm out with my Chinese gf, they'll first look at me, utter some "kan kan laowai" or other gibberish, then they'll turn to her and mumble some more. Taking an extended taxi ride? Prepare for 20 very personal questions and suggestions about your American guy. Luckily, she's got really thick skin and doesn't give 2 shits about what they say. I'm definitely the one more likely to have a nice retort for them....and she's usually ready to tug on my arm and diffuse the situation before it gets too ugly. Definitely one of her top qualities: keeping yours truly out of trouble
Anyways, to stay on topic with your question. I usually pay for everything, except she will pay for the odd movie or something if she can get a discount by buying online or using her credit card.
cooter:
Ningbo, Zhejiang. The locals aren't quite willing to accept that it's just a tier 3 city, so they call it a tier 2.5 city
If the first, and most important, worry you have about your relationship is who pays the bill... give up now! You aren't ready for a non-Chinese bf.
@ iWolf America IS NOT the best in the world whenthey sneeze the rest of the world catches a cold!!!! Whats good about that
Can everyone slow down with the whole " dont date a foreigner if your first thought is money!!" thing. She was asking a question about differences and giving examples. We all know that this is the first thing a chinese person will think of when asked about this topic. It doesnt neccessarily mean its important to them. Its like if you ask any person in china what a foreigner eats they will say hamburger and bread. Ask whats different about guys, theyll say AA. If its true or not doesnt matter, thats what they all think. DOesnt make them gold diggers.
You guys are too quick to jump down throats.
sevenyan:
Thank you! yeah,You got my point. i just want to know the problems we may face.And i am not a gold digger or something. Plus i don't think i can dig anything from him. we just find each other attractive and enjoy being together. Thank you,Mike.
This is a sign of respect in some ways. You need to realize the American culture. Women are strong and independent. Women fought hard for equal rights and equal treatment. Splitting the bill and proudly paying your own way is a sign that the man is respecting your independence and upholding your equal status. If you still don't understand, then you should know that in the USA, more women work than men! Workforce = 51% women! What does that tell you, other than times are changing, chivalry is not applicable anymore and American men are more relaxed about their girlfriend/wife's success. Be thankful he's not Chinese! He'll expect you to pull your own weight, but he's also more likely to help you raise the children too. Remember, equality is a key principle and that includes sharing the responsibility. I dated a successful woman in the states and she actually got angry if I paid. The compromise was always AA.
to all the chinese women ...if he is A merican you will be used he will get whatever or what he can and dissapear, they always have an excuse, im going home because my dog died or something like that